It’s been a very, very rough week. You know what I needed?
I needed somebody to vandalize a Soviet star and make it look like Patrick from SpongeBob.
And, thanks be to God, somebody did. Don’t waste time with me, just go enjoy the pictures on the link. And start a gofundme to bring the brave soul who did it to America for more valuable civic work. We need them.
I have a whole scad of suggestions for this guy. He needs to take every single memorial to a confederate general he can find and dress them up like limited-edition Christmas Barbies of various years. He needs to go to Steubenville pronto and put a bath robe on the astonishingly ugly fountain they have outside one of the academic buildings, the one some students call “Buff Jesus” because Jesus is ridiculously over-muscled and clad in nothing but a towel. I’d pay him to paint my house if I had any money. But most of all, I’d pay him to paint the houses of people I didn’t like.
As a matter of fact, I’m going to imitate my muse Dave Barry and hold a bad statue contest right here on my blog, where you the reader can nominate statues that need this artist’s special touch. Load ’em up in the comments. I’m dead serious. There will be purely imaginary prizes, and you’ll win the fame and fortune of being published on my blog. That’s right, you’ll get paid in exposure, just like a real artist. Special extra credit if you photoshop your improvements into before and after pics, just don’t really paint the statue in real life because that’s not funny.
(NB: To have your photo put on the blog, please use a public domain photo or take your own picture. Submission implies permission to publish.)
Please keep in mind that Steel Magnificat does not actually advocate vandalism. Or schadenfreude, for that matter, though I make an exception for Soviet artwork on rough days. That’s right. Like Reagan, I’m anti-schadenfruede, with exceptions.
Seriously though, don’t vandalize anything and blame me, just make fun of bad artwork with me.
(image via Pixabay)
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