Yes, that’s true. But the commandment says “honor,” not “obey” and not “enable.” You never honor someone by allowing them to abuse you. If your family hurts you every time you come home, then you’ve become an occasion of sin for them. If telling them to stop it doesn’t yield any fruit, the best way to obey God’s command is to remove yourself from the situation. It might help them to repent; it will at least stop this particular sin from being committed.
Family is everything!
Thank God that’s not true. Family is a good thing, but no good thing is “everything.” In some families, a matriarch or the family itself becomes a kind of idol, a thing that’s held up as more important than God or the family members’ well-being. Children get sacrificed to this idol. Lives are ruined for the sake of this idol. That’s not respect for family. It’s taking the gold God has given you and turning it into a golden calf.
It’s the saddest thing in the world when a family falls apart.
I agree. But the family doesn’t fall apart because somebody leaves. That family was already broken at that point. It broke when a family member violated God’s commandments by abusing another member. The person being abused isn’t making the family fall apart by leaving, she’s admitting what happened and taking steps to protect herself.
Your family is going to suffer if you do this.
I know. That’s the hardest part. They’re really hurt that I left. But that’s the consequence of their sin. It’s not an abuse I’m inflicting on them.
If anyone reading this is in an abusive family situation and dreading going home for the holidays, you need to know: you do not have to go home. You have no moral obligation to spend Christmas or any other day with family. Not if they’re expecting you because you always come home– you’re allowed to disappoint them. Not if you’ve already got your ticket– that doesn’t mean you’re required to get on the plane. Not if someone else bought the ticket for you– you’re still not required to get on the plane. If they could afford to buy you a ticket, they can afford the inconvenience. Not if they’re coming to pick you up and drive you home–you can refuse to get in the car. You can refuse to open the door when they get to your place. You can hide in your room until they go away.
You don’t have to cancel in person. You can text that you’re not coming, or call and leave a voicemail when you know they won’t answer. You can pretend to have the flu. You can crash at a friend’s house if you think someone will come and check up on you.
You are allowed to cut ties completely, and never come back, if that’s what it takes. It often does take just that.
I’m not going to say it’s easy. But it can be done.
You’re allowed to take steps to make yourself safe for the holidays, and for every day. As a matter of fact, you should. God created family to be the most basic nurturing, loving unit of society. If the family is hurting you instead, they’re not a family and they’re not entitled to your allegiance. God doesn’t blame you for trying to make it work for so long, but He doesn’t want to see you hurt a minute more. You are precious to Him. He never intended for you to be a doormat or a punching bag.
You don’t have to go home for the holidays. It’s okay to stay where you are. If you’re already with family, it’s okay to leave.
You are loved.
You are allowed to be safe.
(image via Pixabay)
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