You Do Not Have To Be Merry

If you’re clinically depressed, a felt obligation not to be will make it worse, and if you’re just sad it will make the sadness more difficult to bear. It’s a terrible way of looking at emotions– but it is a way that our culture encourages. I think that, especially this time of year, most of us are pressured to feel  merry and frolicsome. We’re supposed to be like the happy Whos or the jolly Cratchits, not the Grinch or Mr. Scrooge. Even in church, depending on your music director’s tastes, you’re probably being sung at to “Rejoice! Rejoice!” and in a few weeks you’ll be told “Let us be merry, throw troubles away!” And it’s easy to think that the lyrics of those songs are imperatives which you’re a bad Christian if you don’t obey, rather than reminders of the joy that is to come.

You probably feel pressured to try to induce an emotion of happiness right now. I know I do. I feel like I ought to be watching that horrible televised Christmas special my father tape recorded off of television almost thirty years ago– the one with the bespectacled agnostic mouse and with Joel Grey playing the clockmaker– while stuffing warm Toll House cookies in my mouth, to try to bring on the same childlike wonder and anticipation I had when I was six. But the fact is, I hate that movie, Toll House cookies make me sick, and there’s nothing in the world more miserable than trying to induce an emotion because you feel like you’re supposed to.

I have some good news: you’re not supposed to.

You are not required to feel happy. You are not required to do things to induce a feeling of happiness. God does not require that of you. No reasonable person will have their holiday ruined if you’re not feeling festive every moment. If someone else really requires you to be filled with glee at all times, THEY are the ones with the problem, not you.

And you’re not a failure if you can’t induce a feeling of cheer. Genuine happiness is not something that can be induced, anyway. Happiness comes from other sources, usually when you’re occupying yourself with things more important than making sure you feel the right way.

If you feel festive this holiday season: great! You’ve been given a gift, a small anticipation of the Heavenly joy which awaits us because of the miracle of Christ’s birth. Don’t try to hold onto or artificially prolong that emotion, but have a good time.

If you feel miserable this holiday season: great! You’re feeling something that’s real. We really do live in a fallen world, and even our most joyous seasons here on earth are streaked with sorrow. Suffer with Christ. Console one another. If you can think of something that’ll cheer you up, and if you can do it without neglecting the weightier responsibilities of the Christian life, go and do it. If it doesn’t work, don’t feel like that’s your fault. If you feel that you may be suffering from depression or anxiety, get some help from a counselor about it, and I’ll pray for your healing and consolation. But if it’s just seasonal blahs, don’t worry. It’s to be expected, and you’re not required to feel differently.

If you feel just okay this holiday season, neither sad nor happy, great! You’re probably a very level-headed person. Be patient with those who are festive. Be compassionate to those who mourn.

Life is difficult enough. Emotion policing is one burden you shouldn’t have to bear. You owe it to yourself to let it go. Feel however you feel. Have a merry Christmas, if you can. But you do not have to be merry.