According to a certain school of chastity education, apparently, it’s standard practice to claim two dissimilar things are alike and then move on. Professor Carter teaches interpersonal communication, so he could probably tell you all about it. I am not a communications expert; I can only tell you that it annoys me.
In any case, Professor Carter’s thesis is that texting with a member of the opposite sex is a near occasion of sin. He seems to believe that texting is somehow a more private, intimate, secretive medium than email or a spoken telephone conversation, to say nothing of those lewd chat rooms, but he never comes out and states this or says why he thinks it’s the case. He is adamant that a texted conversation is the devil’s playground, however.
Unfortunately, there is a false sense of security that exists in cell-phone text messaging: It almost always feels as though the words sent and received in a text will not venture into dangerous open waters. The reality is a text message is open water. There is no shallow end to stand on or wall to grab onto. What is sent and received in a text-based world can easily trigger our deepest, darkest feelings and desires, surfacing them in a conversation that began harmlessly.
I was so surprised at this that I thought back over the texts I’d sent in the past month. “Do we need anything from Wal Mart?” doesn’t sound like it would arouse the passions, unless the recipient was quite hungry, but that covers about fifty per cent of the texts I send.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard stories of married men and women texting outside their marriage with the opposite sex and it began innocently, discussing topics about their kids’ school or their spouse’s new job, and then all of a sudden finding themselves in a heated conversation about how their spouse doesn’t want to talk about their feelings or that they noticed the other at the gym, commenting on how they like their tight-fitting gym clothes.
How who likes their tight-fitting gym clothes? Are we talking about a man texting “I like my tight-fitting gym clothes” to his neighbor’s wife, or do we mean the same man texting “I like your tight-fitting gym clothes?” If it’s the former, I wouldn’t suspect that he meant it as flirtation. And if it’s the latter, I’m going to get a restraining order, because he’s apparently been stalking me at the gym. Of course, if he’s stalking me at the gym, the gym would be an excellent place to arrange a tryst in person without texting about it. It’s very unlikely that such a couple would even bother with a text.
In other words, Professor Carter, I have a feeling that you can’t tell us how many times you’ve heard of this because the answer is zero.
The good professor goes on to undermine his whole argument by admitting the flaws:
Let’s be honest: Many married men and married women text the opposite sex without ever falling into this trap. There are many who respect their spouses completely, stewarding well their texts, never venturing into discussing feelings or sex with the opposite sex in a text.
But I think the slope is too slippery to ignore; these individuals walk it like a tightrope, sometimes without even knowing it. Text messaging itself is not the culprit. The culprit is the heart of the person text messaging.
And that’s where your argument breaks down, Professor Carter, because I could insert just about any verb at all into that bit and have it be equally true. Any verb, from “being in a chat room” to flossing. Here, I’ll show you:
Let’s be honest: Many married men and married women floss their teeth without ever falling into this trap. There are many who respect their spouses completely, stewarding well their floss, never venturing into discussing feelings or sex with the opposite sex while flossing.
But I think the slope is too slippery to ignore; these individuals walk it like a tightrope, sometimes without even knowing it. Dental hygiene itself is not the culprit. The culprit is the heart of the person flossing his teeth.
It’s kind of fun; let’s do another.
Let’s be honest: Many married men and married women light their farts on fire without ever falling into this trap. There are many who respect their spouses completely, stewarding well their farts, never venturing into discussing feelings or sex with the opposite sex in a fart.
But I think the slope is too slippery to ignore; these individuals walk it like a tightrope, sometimes without even knowing it. Setting fire to farts itself is not the culprit. The culprit is the heart of the person farting.
– Avoid giving your phone number to the opposite sex. If it is necessary to keep in touch with them, have your spouse give their number to them.
To me, this is one of those telltale warning signs that your friend is a victim of domestic violence– she won’t give out her own phone number, but only that of her husband. Chilling.
– If you already have someone of the opposite sex’s phone number, treat it as just that: a phone number (not a text number).
– If you receive a text message from someone of the opposite sex, choose to respond by calling them immediately instead of responding through text. Making a phone call communicates to them that you would prefer speaking over the phone instead of via text.
Again with the assumption that it’s impossible to have an adulterous conversation by speaking audibly. When in actuality it’s quite easy. Has Professor Carter never heard of phone sex? It was popular before texting, Professor. Back in the 90s when people were scared stiff of chat rooms.
– Treat your private email like you would a text message. It’s understandable that you might not be legally permitted to Cc your spouse on a work email to the opposite sex, but when you are communicating from your private email with the opposite sex, copy your spouse. This provides transparency between you and your spouse and also communicates to the opposite sex your desire to keep communication public.
“It’s understandable that you might not be legally permitted to Cc your spouse on a work email to the opposite sex, but…” implies that if you are legally permitted, you should. As if people can’t even have a job without being in danger of a steamy workplace affair.
– If you are feeling an emotional or sexual pull to a particular opposite sex member, especially during text messaging, immediately stop. In person, let this individual know your desire to respect your spouse, even with text messages. Confess this behavior to your spouse, repent and begin the healing process. If you don’t stop, the emotional and/or sexual detachment from your spouse will continue to broaden as you continue in communication with the opposite sex person. Please stop.
All this work because you felt sexually attracted for a moment? Confessing to your husband every time you have sexual feelings? I’d say that’s Puritanical, but the Puritans actually managed to live together in community as men and women for quite some time; they even controlled England for a spell. They would never had had time to do that if they spent this much time obsessing over interpersonal communication. You’re beyond a Puritan, Goodman Carter.
Maybe we all need to set down our phones and go out for some fresh air. After we’ve liked, shared and tipped our bloggers, I mean. But do be careful. There are human beings outdoors– real ones, with bodies and sex drives and restrictive gym clothes. We might have to grow up, and learn a thing or two about interpersonal communications. If only there was a professor to teach us how.
(image via Pixabay)
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