A Non-Apology and a Response from a Catholic Feminist

I received an apology early this afternoon. Well, something made to look like an apology. The person who made it claimed he was repenting of something. I thought it best to address it publicly, because he expected it to be made public and because it’s part of a pattern I’ve observed of late.

I’ve had readers explaining to me in recent days that ‘traditionalist” Latin Catholic circles don’t tend to have a misogyny problem and that feminism– the belief that men and women are equal and the commitment to fight against unjust social structures that treat them without equity–  is altogether a bad, unnecessary thing. I was told it was “rubbish” that you’ll find men who like to control and hurt women in Catholic circles; I was told that feminism, on the other hand, poisons our whole society. So I asked one of these gentlemen to explain his statement, and so far he has not.

This came rather quickly after the argument I was in a few weeks ago, wherein a Thomist explained to a whole group of rape survivors that we’d been forced into participating in “adultery” because that’s what rape actually was– not a gross act of violence committed with or on genitals, but just a different flavor of adultery. He had no idea why we were upset. He just kept talking.

I’m also still dealing with remark after remark that the rape victims at FUS and Christendom are part of a lying conspiracy to ruin good Catholic schools, and besides they deserved it for being unchaste. It’s always Catholics who are making these remarks.

And then I received this apology. I mentioned the other day that there was a thread where a gang of traditionalist Catholic Facebook trolls had taken one of my public profile pics and were making jokes about raping me or how rape-able I was, such as this one:

They joked about my head scarf I wear to Latin Mass and how rape-able or un-rape-able I was, why anyone would want to rape that, what a nuisance I apparently was in Steubenville. At first I thought that they were all threatening to rape me and said as much, but after I calmed down I realized I was in no danger; I believe all they wanted was to defame and intimidate and to make fun of how ugly I am. They apparently think that unattractive women don’t get raped. Just this morning, the troll who started the thread posted in a group where he knew I would see it, saying he’d been contacted by Father Peter West telling him to apologize… for criticizing my LOOKS.

A friend was good enough to let me know that a message had been posted for me in the group in question, and passed it along. Of course, by the time I thought to respond, the message had already been posted publicly in several places online so I was well familiar with its content.

Thank you, Norbert and Father West, but I already know I’m unattractive. That’s not terribly important to me. What matters is that you spent a whole thread giggling about an horrendous act of violence you thought I merited for being a woman who speaks out in ways you don’t like. Also, as far as I know, by the grace of God I’m not a heretic.  I have often told my detractors to find anything I’ve said that’s heresy so I can repent of it, but they haven’t. They’ve gone on mocking me, or just insisting that I’m not a “real” Catholic because reasons. That also bothers me. I value my Faith. I want to not be raped ever again. Those two things concern me. But who gives a fig about my looks?

But Father West honestly thought I was so offended because this luminary had abused me for how I looked.

And this is why I am a feminist. I believe and profess everything that the Church teaches– including the part where Man and Woman are willed by God “in perfect equality as human persons.” 

I hold the radical, revolutionary and scandalous belief that as a woman I am equal– not necessarily the same as, which is a different assessment, but equal– to every man, and every man is equal to me. I am different than they are, but my dignity is equal to theirs. I am made in the image and likeness of God as much as they are. I am baptized into the common priesthood of the baptized as much as any other believer, male or female. My life in communion with others is meant to be an image of the Holy Trinity as theirs is. My body, ugly as it happens to be, is a temple for the Holy Ghost as theirs is a temple. My soul is the Bride of Christ as is a man’s soul. My suffering is the Passion of Christ as much as a man’s is. My vocation as mother reflects the life-giving love of God as much as a vocation of a priest or biological father does. I am in my femininity as likely to be emotional, hysterical, rational, irrational, lustful, wrathful, gluttonous, prideful, greedy, envious, slothful or virtuous as any given man. I believe that this is true of myself and also of my daughter, of Saint Therese, of Mary of the Desert, of Marlin Monroe, of every woman who ever lived or will live. We are humans created in the image and likeness of God, equal to men. I hold that specifically because I am a Catholic. I might have come to a very different conclusion, if I were not Catholic. These are Catholic beliefs.

I have seen the dignity and equality of women denied and trampled by men and even other women– outside the Church and in ways that Catholics quickly condemn, yes. Often. But also by people in the Church, who view themselves as the very best Catholics, the impeccable Catholics, the Catholics who are so pure in their beliefs that they go around accusing others of heresy.

Feminists who are not Catholic have gently critiqued me or flat-out mocked me for staying Catholic if I mean to be a real feminist, for being pro-life if I mean to be a real feminist, and so on. Catholics who believe they’re allowed to be anti-woman treat me the way Father West and whoever that Norbert person is do. But here I am nonetheless– feminist because I am Catholic.

And as a Catholic, I say, to hell with this non-apology.  To Heaven with the children of God including Norbert and Father West– may Christ have mercy on us and convert us from all of our errors. But to hell with this. This is from hell.

I forgive you because I am Catholic, but I don’t accept your apology.

(image via Pixabay)