About the 22 Catholic Factions

About the 22 Catholic Factions February 19, 2020

I apologize once again for the radio static this month. The fibro had been making it hurt my wrists to type. It doesn’t necessarily hurt to get off a few bon mots on Twitter, so that’s what I’ve been doing.

On Twitter, I met a gentleman who said he once overheard a woman explaining that “There are twenty-two factions in the Catholic Church, and right now the Augustinians are the strongest faction.” He said he’d been puzzling over what she could have meant ever since.

I’ve looked back at Twitter today, and I can’t find that conversation. I hope I didn’t just imagine it. At any rate, I’m not puzzling about the 22 factions. I’ve been Catholic since my baptism at one month old, and I can easily name them:

–Vanilla, live-and-let-live, mostly Novus Ordo Catholic who doesn’t really believe in factions and doesn’t get online much

–luridly cheerful Charismatic

–Morose Charismatic who’s always talking about “sensing” things

–Traditionalist because they like the aesthetics but they’re not too keen on the politics around this parish

–True Traditionalist

–Traditionalist who cosplays as Byzantine

–True Byzantine

–Your Feminist Aunt from New England who refuses to call God by a gendered pronoun, goes to a groovy church and refuses to believe Traditionalists really exist

–Dorothy Day Catholic

–Converted from Evangelicalism but just kind of acts like an Evangelical with sacraments

–Crunchy Con homeschooler with twelve kids

–Thinks homeschooling is a cop-out from supporting the parochial schools

–Has a shelf full of Santeria stuff somewhere in their house

–Stencils a big shamrock on the driveway and names all their kids Gaelic names that sound nothing like they’re spelled

–Thomist who wears tweed and smokes a pipe and thinks he is intelligent

–Has weird methods and sets of rules for everything, refers to dating as “courtship,” and once attended Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University

–Way too into unapproved Marian apparitions

–doesn’t eat meat on Fridays and won’t take the scapular off in the shower but hasn’t been to Mass in awhile

–Bullies people and calls it an “Apostolate”

–Thinks saying “alleluia” during Lent is a sin

–Granny who always has EWTN on in the background

–Augustinian

Yes, most people belong to more than one faction. Don’t get me started on Charismatic homeschoolers way too into Marian apparitions who go to the Traditionalist church and don’t bathe without their scapulars.

I want to say something serious about all diverse members being one in Him, but I’m in too snarky a mood to put a theological meaning on this. Suffice it to say,  we are a motley bunch.

And I promise to write something haunting and serious again before very long.

 

(image via Pixabay)

 

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