We are nearing the two-year anniversary of my smackdown with Father Kevin. And it’s just my luck that I have come across another funny Priest Reacting Inappropriately to the Female Shoulder story on social media! Thanks to my friend Juana for posting this story to Twitter and giving me permission to reprint it!
Today on THE PARISH I just told Fr Boss this absolutely true story from my childhood and he was pretty solidly like “wtf” so now y’all get to hear it and pass judgment.
Okay. Let’s set the scene. It’s the summer after freshman year of high school, commonly known as Quince Season. My dear friend Jeanne is turning 15 and asks me to be in her traditional 14-dama court. I love Jeanne, and the dress isn’t as hideous as I expect, so I’m in. Jeanne goes to my grandmother’s parish, so that’s where the Mass will be. Our dresses are given to us – I can’t find any pictures, so here is an approximation. Think this, but hot pink, in a stiffer fabric, with a longer skirt and higher (still strapless) neckline.
The dress comes with a little wrap in the same fabric. it’s kind of weirdly packaged, but fine. The day arrives. I arrive on time, because I was a different person in high school, and am faced with a disaster. Three of our damas have forgotten or otherwise left their wraps. One of them had a sibling who had ripped it, one left it in their car, and the other one just forgot it at home. 3/14 damas, no wrap. Okay? Nope. Msgr’s solution was to refuse to start Mass at all. He yelled at the girls to call their parents and have them bring them the wraps. One of the parents had dropped the girl off on the way to work, so that one was out. The parent of one who’d left it at home was annoyed at being contacted about it, but agreed to come deliver the wrap. The third one was unwearable, so contacting the parents didn’t help much.
Msgr, tired of waiting, demands we cover the girls. His solution is to get CORPORALS FROM THE SACRISTY and force the girls to cover themselves with them. A corporal is generally less than two feet wide, so even as children, this was terribly ineffective. In hindsight, this is even more profoundly ridiculous than it was that day. I felt awful for those three girls, none of whom were remotely Catholic. The faraway parent slid in breathless and delivered the wrap during the Gospel, but the other two had to keep wearing the corporal. I’m pretty sure they’re wearing them in the church pictures, but Jeanne went off the grid a few years ago and took the pics with her, so you’ll just have to trust me on that. Anyway.