I thought about Our Lady of Peace again, the other day. Our Lady of Peace is the name of the horrible parish school I attended in Columbus, from third grade until halfway through fifth when I had my nervous breakdown and was homeschooled. Our Lady of Peace was infested with bullies, as I’ve mentioned several times before. The bullies would tease and call names and sometimes physically assault the socially undesirable children like me, and the cold fish of a... Read more
Wednesday was a bad day. It was damp and cloudy outside. I like cloudy days, but not in cold November when the whole world is moldering. My anxiety, OCD and religious trauma were terrible. I was afraid of everything, everything in the world. I was afraid of taxes, of homeschooling, of the midterm election, of climate change. I was afraid of driving to run my errands and that someone had stolen or impounded the car in the night. I was... Read more
There’s a certain release in admitting I just don’t know. I am sure I’ve experienced God before. I’m positive. I’ve thought very hard about any euphoric experiences I’ve had during Charismatic “praise and worship,” any blissful feelings of well-being when that monster Father Mike Scanlan prayed my demons away. There are lots of things which can produce that feeling. Emotional contagion is a real phenomenon, and con artists like him are experts at manipulating emotional contagion. But still, I’m... Read more
“I don’t think I want to go trick-or-treating this year,” said Adrienne, shortly after her birthday, and my heart broke. I asked her why, when she loved decorating for Halloween so much. The front porch was all strewn with nasty cobwebs and plastic skeletal creatures, and she kept talking about buying a pumpkin to carve. Adrienne said she didn’t really like wandering around the neighborhood going door to door in costume anymore. I felt as if an era had ended.... Read more
I think it all started when Guadalupe Catholic Radio producer Adrian Fonseca announced that abused women ought not to run away. You can see the context of those remarks here. Apparently victims are supposed to stay with abusers in order to show a meek and humble example, therefore converting their spouses’ souls. The internet was rightly incensed at this. I’ve never seen such a unified effort in my life. Priests and laity, atheist former Catholics and liberal Catholics as well... Read more
I drove to Columbus in Serendipity. It’s hard getting used to a new car that works properly. The Neighborhood Trolley was in bad shape from the moment I drove it off the lot. I had never bought a car before, and a four thousand dollar car isn’t going to be a good car regardless. The Neighborhood Trolley had a bad radiator fan and a bad 02 sensor, and the transmission was beginning to tick like a bomb every time... Read more
I hadn’t gotten through a whole Mass in a few weeks. I have been determined to have mercy on myself, since I got back from Columbus. Going to Mass in Steubenville makes me sick. It gives me panic attacks due to my religious trauma. But staying home also gives me panic attacks, because I am afraid I will go to hell. Several times, I’ve gone to church and had to leave before the Gospel or during the homily, and... Read more
You have probably heard that the current bishop of Steubenville, Jeffery M. Monforton, has officially proposed to merge the Diocese of Steubenville with the Diocese of Columbus– meaning, as far as I can tell, that there wouldn’t be a separate bishop in Steubenville anymore and Columbus would own everything. Do read that entire article in the Columbus Dispatch, which gives you an excellent overview of the situation. Monforton has said that this merger is necessary because the diocese is rapidly... Read more
I had panic attacks wall to wall on my birthday, which is never a very good day for me. I suffer from anxiety and panic most of the time. I’ve had a lot of terrible experiences which have left me constantly braced for terrible things. I’ve also got poly-cystic ovary syndrome, which can make a brain start panicking all on its own from a chemical imbalance. I regularly wake up in a hypervigilant state, fully expecting that my husband... Read more
Birthdays aren’t the best day. The eve of my birthday is the anniversary of the day I started gushing bright red blood, after 14 weeks of amenorrhea that I honestly thought was a pregnancy. I was sick and fatigued and nauseated like a pregnancy. I even had wiggling sensations that I told myself might be kicks, but they were actually my hiatal hernia and all the noise from the severe IBS that flares up when my Poly-cystic ovary syndrome... Read more
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