Book Review: The Hope to “Reconcile” in a World of Conflict

From Ferguson to Ukraine to Syria to Iraq to local neighborhoods to family systems, many of us are feeling overwhelmed by the many conflicts that afflict our world. The news continues to feed us an unhealthy diet of continual conflict, hostility, and violence. It’s easy to think that this is just how the world works. It’s easy to lose hope that we can find reconciliation.

If you are beginning to feel a sense of despair like I am, please read Reconcile by international peacebuilder John Paul Lederach. As Bill and Lynne Hybels state in the forward, “This book truly has the power to change the world.”

Lederach is known for working throughout the world in areas of deep seated conflict. Since the 1980s, he has helped to bring reconciliation to national conflicts in Columbia, the Philippines, and Nepal, along with countries in East and West Africa. But Reconcile is not just about restoring relationships in those countries. It’s also about healing inner turmoil, family disputes, neighborhood quarrels, and church clashes.

Immanently practical and engaging, Reconcile is part guidebook and part autobiography. It is written from a Christian perspective, but anyone who reads this book will gain important wisdom on how to nurture reconciliation. With a study guide, this book is ideal for personal reflection or group study.

Lederach claims that conflict is inevitable. Jesus put it another way, “Occasions for stumbling are bound to come.” Reconcile is an important book because it provides the necessary tools and inspiration to engage conflicts in ways that promote reconciliation.

Personally, I deal with conflicts by running away from them. On the other hand, I know many people who deal with conflicts by treating them as a game to win. Both strategies are unhealthy. Lederach guides us through an alternative strategy with a reflection on Matthew 18 in a chapter entitled “Where Two or Three Meet.” This chapter alone is worth the price of the book! In Matthew 18, Jesus provides practical advice for how to engage conflicts. Lederach breaks down Jesus’ advice into four helpful steps. The first step is to go directly to the other person, not in the spirit of confrontation, but rather in the spirit of listening and mutual engagement. If that doesn’t work, the second step is to seek reconciliation by bringing 2-3 witnesses to the next meeting. The third step is to tell the church about the conflict because, as Lederach claims, “Reconciliation is the mission of the church.” And if the first three steps fail to bring reconciliation, the fourth step is to treat the person as a sinner or tax collector. Sounds a bit harsh, huh? Well, Lederach gives us a new perspective on these steps by placing them within the context of Jesus’ teachings. I will examine the two steps that tend to be the most controversial, the first and the last.

The first step is to go directly to the other person. For someone like me who avoids conflict like the plague it seems to be, this first step might be the most difficult! But it is necessary because if we don’t go directly to the other person, we will go behind the other person’s back and gossip with other people. Lederach claims that in “common practice, complainers take the problem outside the relationship and ‘triangle’ other people into the situation.” In mimetic theory terms, we call this triangulation “scapegoating.”

Unfortunately, one of the easiest ways to find reconciliation is for a group to unite against a scapegoat. The scapegoat functions for a group as a common enemy. All of our inner hostility is projected upon our scapegoat and we experience a sense of reconciliation. This strategy takes many forms, including gossiping and physical violence. It is so pervasive that it seems to be our default mechanism for dealing with conflicts, but it always leads to an increase in mutual hostility, distrust, and broken relationships.

It is far better to resist the temptation to scapegoat and go directly to the other person. But when we go to the other, it’s also important to resist the temptation to win and to blame. Reconciliation isn’t about winning a conflict by blaming the other person; it’s about restoring a relationship. As Lederach claims, healing a conflict involves “neither blaming nor retreating. It involves a stance of vulnerable transparency, where [we] speak from the depths of awareness about [our] own concerns, fears, hopes, and needs.”

If the first three steps don’t provide reconciliation, the final step is to treat the other person as “a Gentile or tax collector.” This step has often been interpreted as Jesus advising an act of exclusion. Gentiles and tax collectors were frequently treated as enemies and traitors, as people to be hated and excluded from the community. But Lederach asks a decisive question when it comes to understanding this final step:

How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? In answering that question, we can discover how we should respond when we reach this stage of the conflict. What stands out is this simple answer: Jesus ate with them (as in Matthew 19:10). Time and again … Jesus chose the route of seeking out and eating with the very people perceived to be impure and outside the believing community. My interpretation of step 4 is this: Eat with them!

Reconciliation is hard and frequently dangerous work! If you are going to follow Jesus and seek reconciliation with someone labeled an enemy by your group, you risk being labeled an enemy yourself!

Lederach is also clear that reconciliation is often a slow and painful process that requires a balanced sense of justice, mercy, truth, and peace. He also warns “that forcing someone into engagements and relationships [of reconciliation], which we often do under the rubric of spiritual obligation, without fully attending to the preparation and authenticity of that choice, is…damaging.” There are times when so much damage has been done that reconciliation might not be possible. At all times, great care needs to be taken as we seek reconciliation.

Still, reconciliation is not entirely up to us. We certainly have an important role to play, but reconciliation is ultimately up to God. In fact, according to Lederach, reconciliation “lies at the heart of the good news. God moves toward us to mend and heal what has been torn apart. God’s mission is reconciliation.”

Can anyone thwart God’s mission? Tragically, as we watch the news of escalating conflict and hostility, we seem to be thwarting God’s mission pretty easily. But ultimately, I don’t think we can thwart God’s mission of reconciliation. As the Bible states, “in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting us the message of reconciliation to us.”

The good news is that God is reconciling the world. So, as you hear the news about escalating conflict, violence, and war, and as you experience conflict in your own life and communities, please don’t lose hope. Know that God is reconciling the world and entrusting you to the message of reconciliation. And, if you want to help make your neighborhood and the world a better place, please read Reconcile.