Parenting Confessions: God, Rivalry, and College Football

My family recently moved to Eugene, Oregon. Eugene is probably best known for the University of Oregon Ducks football team. Having moved from Chicago, I know that the Ducks are loved throughout the country for their high powered offense and flamboyant football jerseys. Here in Eugene people are obsessed with the Quack Attack. Nearly every car has a University of Oregon bumper sticker, almost everyone wears a green UofO jacket, and the entire city fell into a state of mourning when the Ducks lost to the Arizona Wildcats and plummeted in the national rankings. There can be no doubt that the people of Eugene love their University of Oregon Ducks.

But as for me and my household, we will love the Oregon State Beavers. (That’s a direct quote from the book of Ericksen 12:15.)

I’m a native Oregonian and I’ve always loved the Beavers. My grandpa went to Oregon State, my mother went to Oregon State, and my brother went to Oregon State. I learned to love the Beavers from my family. I must confess that I’m teaching my children well. For his first day of school this year, my oldest son drew a line in the sand with his Duck loving classmates as he proudly wore his Beavers football jersey and his Beavers hat.

The rivalry between the Ducks and the Beavers is insane. In fact, it’s so intense that the annual game that pits the teams against each other is called the CIVIL WAR!

Apparently the most effective way to describe the rivalry between the Beavers and the Ducks is to refer to the most fatal battle ever on American soil.

But my son is right. To be a Beavers fan means that you must draw a line in the sand. Not only must you root for the Beavers, you must root against the Ducks! Of course, there are those lukewarm Beaver fans who want to straddle the line. They root for the Ducks as a sign of loyalty to Oregon, hoping that one team from the state will compete for a National Championship.

Let me say this as smugly as possible with my nose high in the air – They are not true fans of the Beavers! They make me sick. To be an Oregonian means you must pick your loyalties! You must stand either with the Beavers or with the Ducks. Either you’re with us or you’re against us! Either you’re all things Good, Beautiful, and True, thus you root for the Beavers; or you’re a conspirator with the Forces of Evil and you root for the Ducks. Please choose wisely. After all, this is the Civil War!

The Mimetics of Parenting

Okay. So, I’m being cheeky. But I’d like to talk about a danger here. When it comes to parenting, mimetic theory has taught me that we humans learn everything through a process of imitation. As social creatures, we are naturally open to the influence of others in our environment. Soon an imitative pattern of behavior develops. Children learn a pattern of behavior through their parents that is often formed in rivalry. One of the first things children learn from adults is to identify themselves over and against who they are not.

As a child, I learned from the adults in my life that to be an Ericksen is to be a Beavers fan. I also learned that to be an Ericksen meant I had to hate the Ducks.

Civil War language aside, sports rivalries may seem like mere playful fun. I mean, what’s the big deal? While childhood sports rivalries appear to be fairly harmless, they lay the foundation for a lifetime of rivalries. Children may begin to identify themselves in terms of sports rivalries, but this pattern of rivalry can’t be controlled. It spreads like a contagious disease to other areas of our lives. We soon learn to identify ourselves as “in” by identifying who is “out”; who is “good” by who is “bad.”

As we grow, we begin to discover other aspects of our identity that are formed in rivalry over and against others. For example, we learn to identify ourselves as good Democrats because they are evil Republicans; as good progressives because they are regressive fundamentalists; as responsible rich people because they are irresponsible poor people; as good Christians because they are evil Muslims; as smart NPR listening liberals because they are dumb Fox News listening conservatives.

Understanding this pattern of rivalry that children learn through imitating their parents helps me understand a biblical passage that I’ve always found troubling. It’s that verse near the beginning of the Ten Commandments where God is said to punish “children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but shows steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

I’m discovering that the “iniquity” of my parenting is setting my children up for a world of rivalry with other. Now, God isn’t actively punishing my children for my poor parenting skills. We do a good enough job of punishing one another in our rivalries.

God isn’t punishing us. Rather, God is trying to free us from our enslavement to rivalry. God is inviting us to re-pattern our lives away from rivalry and toward love. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” claims Leviticus. From within his religious tradition, Jesus expanded on that love ethic so that it included even our enemies, “You have heard it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Beavers and Ducks: Can we share the pond?

Can we be freed from these rivalries? Or are we enslaved to them? Jesus told his followers that they must die to themselves in order that they might truly live. They must die to an identity that is formed in rivalry with others so that they might truly love their neighbors, who include even those they call their enemies…even those who are called *gasp* the Ducks!

Of course, this is bigger than Beavers and Ducks. It’s about rivalry in every aspect of our lives. But here’s the point: Transforming our pattern of rivalry into a pattern of love requires intention and spiritual discipline. It requires a daily, even hourly, refusal to divide the world into “us” versus “them.” It requires parents who will model for their children a desire for love, not a desire for rivalry. It requires a larger community of dedicated people that will gently hold one another accountable. It requires forgiveness. It requires prayer.

And in the game of spiritual football, it requires the nimble spirit of a quarterback to pass with the promise that “in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation with us.”

Is there hope that Beavers and Ducks can find reconciliation and share the same pond? To quote Jesus completely out of context, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

With God all things are possible, including the possibility that we might die to a self that is formed in rivalry so that we might live the life of love that God calls us into. A new identity that is no longer defined as “us” against “them.” Rather, with this new identity we discover a new pattern of living where Beavers and Ducks, Democrats and Republicans, Progressives and Evangelicals, Christians and Muslims all drop our violent addiction to rivalry so that we can pursue love and reconciliation.