Nationwide: What We Can Learn from the Worst Super Bowl Commercial Ever

“That was a total buzzkill.”

The Nationwide commercial just finished. Entitled, “Make Safe Happen,” it stars a sorrowful young boy. He talks about his dreams of learning to ride a bike, learning to fly, traveling the world with his dog, and getting married. But he never did any of those things. Why? He explains,

“Because I died from an accident.”

Then we see various “accidents” – a tub overflowing, toxic chemicals scattered under a sink, and a flat screen television toppled onto the floor.

Buzzkill indeed. After I made that comment, I looked at my eight year old son, who happened to be standing right next to our television during the commercial…Oh the horror.

Nationwide was not on my side during the Super Bowl. Some have suggested that it’s the “worst Super Bowl ad ever.” Many of my Facebook friends felt the same way. They demanded that Nationwide apologize to all those families watching the Super Bowl who have been through the dreadful experience of losing a child. Those families just wanted was to lose themselves in a football game and now they have to think about their family’s horrific accident.

Others have defended Nationwide. They point to statistics claiming that, “Unintentional injuries are the leading cause of death among children 1-19 years of age” in the United States. They also point out that in the US, “a child dies almost every hour from preventable injuries.” Nationwide, so this group claims, did parents a tremendous service by inviting a national conversation about preventing injury. As one commentator explained, we need to “give parents the information and resources they need to create an environment where their children can thrive.”

Although I agree with my Facebook friends that the Nationwide commercial was tasteless, I think our response offers us important lessons on empathy. We responded with such vitriol because we empathized with parents who have lost children due to those kinds of accidents. As I looked at my children and realized that life is precious because tragic accidents do happen, the pain I experienced was visceral.

An empathic response of feeling another’s pain is good. It is part of our mimetic nature – we are always influenced by others and the instinctual feeling of another’s pain is a good aspect of our mimetic nature. But there’s a crucial question that underlies this discussion: What will we do with our pain?

Because when we experience pain, our instinct is often to lash out. Like a wounded cat attacks with its paws when we try to console it, we often respond to pain with violence, punishment, or shame. And so we demand that Nationwide apologize for its insensitive commercial. I am not defending Nationwide in any way, but I do think that those of us who had a negative response to it can learn something from our response. For many reasons, the demand for Nationwide to apologize is completely understandable, but it is not necessarily healthy.

First, criticizing others usually has the opposite effect of our desired outcome. Criticism only leads people deeper into their previously held beliefs. For example, after receiving criticism Nationwide has staunchly defended itself, saying that it hopes the commercial, “served to begin a dialogue to make safe happen for children everywhere.” Criticism, and shaming others by demanding apologies, just doesn’t work. This is a problem because we spend our energy on futile attempts to get someone to change when they won’t.

Second, the energy we spend criticizing Nationwide is a convenient way to resist deal with our own pain. We become like cats who lash out, or someone who scratches an injury only to makes it worse. A healthier way to use our energy is to look inside at our pain. Why, for example, did that commercial trigger such animosity? What are our fears and how can we deal with them in healthy ways?

At its best, the Nationwide commercial is a reminder of what we already know to be true – life is precious. Yes, of course, we should do what we can to protect children from accidents. No matter how hard we try, we can’t always “make safe happen.” Accidents happen, due to nobody’s fault.

In response to the commercial, maybe the best way forward is to use our energy to unpack our own pain and listen to the pain of those who have lost children from such tragic accidents. Those who haven’t lost children may not be able to imagine such pain, but they can listen to it. We can all use the empathy we felt during the commercial to let others know that they are not alone in their pain.

Because it’s true – life is precious. Life is often tragically short. So, listen to those in pain. And if you have children, love them all the more.