Ever watch “The Critic?”

It was a brilliant cartoon, voiced by Jon Lovitz as a fat, hapless film critic who worked for a clueless Southern super-billionaire conglomerate type who made a big deal out of staying in shape and also had an animatronic singing “Country Bears” type of apparatus in his office. The billionaire’s name was Duke Phillips.

But really, he should have been named Ted Turner:

Here he is, talking with Wolf Blitzer about Kim Jon Il:

WB: But look at the way he’s treating his own people.

TT: Well, hey. Listen, I saw a lot of people over there. They were thin, and they were riding bicycles instead of driving in cars. But I didn’t see any brutality in the capitol, or out in the DMZ.
…
WB: What about those ground-to-ground missiles, and the…

TT: They can’t reach us.

WB: They can reach Japan. They can reach South Korea. They can reach a lot of our allies.

TT: They can’t reach the U.S.A., and we can pound them into oblivion in 24 hours.

WB: But you don’t want to get to that. There’s some estimates, by the way, they could reach Alaska.

TT: Well, what? The Aleutian Islands? There’s nothing up there but a few sea lions.

Radioblogger has the full transcript if you can stand it.