The Onion nails the over-scrupulous, agonizing Christian

A brilliant bit of satire – brilliant because it’s so spot-on.

Sure, I have brought a lot of new souls to Christ since I’ve been reborn, but none of them were any good. When I think of all that Christ has done for me, a wave of misery washes over me. After all, He gave his life so that we all may attain eternal salvation. What have I done? I haven’t witnessed for shit.

Jesus must totally hate me.

I know that His yoke is easy and His burden light, but I can’t help feeling that I’m a big part of that burden. After all, the New Testament was written a couple thousand years before any of the Apostles came across the likes of me. In my Bible reading, I don’t recall Him ever saying, “Blessed are the boring, the losers, the wasters of space.” I know my Scripture, and I know that Jesus never said anything about the dumbasses inheriting the earth. Yeah, there’s only one set of footprints in the sand, and they belong to Jesus—bolting away from me at top speed.

Christians have egos-run-amok like anyone else. When we start obsessing on how we’re not doing it “just right” or “good enough,” we’re really allowing our egos to run roughshod over grace – we’re being vain and prideful and saying that we are sooooooooo special, either in a negative or positive way, that even God and grace can’t fully deal with us.

Found this via The Confessionator who writes:

When I was discerning religious life, I would say to God, “Why would you want me as your bride? Why would anyone want me as their bride?” I’m starting to see how such an irrational attitude can wound the Sacred Heart of Jesus in a most egregious way. God is love–no questions asked. He doesn’t need a reason to love. His desire for us doesn’t change when we ignore Him, and it doesn’t depend on anything we do. As humans, who are we to challenge this? Who are we to say whether God can or cannot love us?