Puffery vs Substance and the US Press

Puffery vs Substance and the US Press July 6, 2008

So, in anticipation of Obama’s All I Have Behind Me Is A Great Speech and a Loving Press/No Substance Tour of Europe, which will supply his campaign with outstanding photo-ops against historic backdrops (to dispel the sad fact that he’s done nothing of real import to earn the accolades), and which will add an illusion of substance to his lighter-than-a-cheesepuff resume, the Washington Post has composed a loving featurette that focuses on Obama’s spirituality.

The article mentions a “long meeting” Obama took with the Franklin Graham, Billy Graham’s son.

The article does not mention the “long association” of 20 years with Jeremiah Wright.

How helpful.

American Press: “There you go, President er, Senator Obama, is there anything else we can do for you? Would you like us to clarify your positions on abortion, Iraq, FISA and campaign finance for you?”

Obama: That will be fine, thank you. Nice articles. Yes, I’d appreciate any spin you can manage for me, and by the way, could you do a nice piece on Michele, too? Maybe call her fashion’s next icon, or something?

American Press: We can do better than that, sir, we’ll call her Michele “Jackie” O!

Obama: Heh, that’s cool, but post-Camelot. Stick to the Kennedy mystique.

American Press: We can’t wait to go to Europe with you, sir – we like that a lot better than Crawford, and A.N.S.W.E.R. will er, spontaneous hoards of people will be sure to crowd the streets to say how much they love you, just like A.N.S.W.E.R brought them all out they came out to say how much they hated Bush and Blair!

Obama: Yeah, the pictures will be great especially in Germany, ‘Ich bein ein Messiah!’ I hope they have giant puppets! But if they do, make sure the ears are not too big. I’m sensitive about my ears. And when you’re covering it, make sure you get a few of those halo shots, will you? You know, where I look like a Jesus painting? Give the people what they want. Too bad Michelangelo is dead.

American Press: Ummm…Can’t you raise him, sir?

Obama: Well, I have been a little busy, lately, what with my need for continual refinement and the throwing under the bus of my pastor, my mother, my grandmother, and most of the left-wing blogosphere…

American Press: That’s okay, sir, we understand. You can’t be expected to do everything.

Obama: No, I can’t. I mean, yes, I can! But first I have to pull the troops out of Iraq, as soon as I am in office, unless of course, we’re victorious before then and Bush pulls the bulk of them out before the election, in which case, I may keep a stabilizing force for there for 50 years, like we did in Germany…but, only if late-term abortion remains legal and handguns and wiretaps gain wide-acceptance, although not if a woman has a mental health problem, except if it’s really severe.

American Press:
Let us adjust that teleprompter for you, sir. That better?

Ah, thank you. My lines were jumbling. I always never said an infant born alive in an abortion attempt should be given medical attention.

American Press:
We should probably move on. One more question, how did you get to be so great?

Menda- err…Audacity and hope, son. Audacity and hope…hey, is your phone ringing?

American Press:
Oh, yeah, thanks…it’s hard to hear amid the gloriousness of your glorious gloriosity, sir. Err…hello?

President George W. Bush:
Hey, journo-guy! How you doin’?

American Press:
Who is this, please?

This is the president. Of the United States. The one still in office.

American Press:
(rolling eyes) Yeah, whaddya want? Um, whaddya want sir?

I’ll tell you what, never mind all that pomp and sir stuff – I know you don’t mean it. I just wanted to let y’all know that we’ve moved the last of Saddam’s yellowcake outta Iraq, and helped the Iraqis sell it to Canada for a buncha dough.

American Press:

Yeah, and you know, you don’t like me, and you don’t want to give me any good coverage, I know that, and that’s all right, but you owe it to the troops to spread the word that they’ve pretty much sewn up a victory over there in Iraq! They’ve won Mosul and Maliki is declaring victory over terrorism! You know…fourth of July weekend, and all…might want to give your troops their props.

American Press:
(hand over mouthpiece: Oh, crap, he’s making victory noises about Iraq and bringing up the yellowcake again! We have to think fast! Can’t be reporting that George W. Bush saved the world on the eve of the Democrat convention!….) Yeah, got it, Mr. Chimpyface, er, Mr…President…we’ll make sure it’s mentioned.

You do that. The troops deserve it and the American people deserve to know –

American Press:
Yeah, got it, byeee! (Click – dial – dial) Hey, Nigel, you got a pen? Do us a favor, would you guys in the UK press cover the Victories in Iraq stories, will you? What? Well, it’s gotta be printed somewhere, and we have a political campaign to win over here! Nah, don’t worry about the yellowcake story. The AP has an exclusive, so no one reading the blogs will see it! Yeah, Cheerio to you, too! Hail Obama!

Welcome Hot Air readers! While you’re here look around. Today we’re also discussing George Will’s truly excellent book, One Man’s America, which you will love. (I’ll have an extended review – rather than the slap-dash one posted – during the week), and we’re giving the Democrats some helpful hints, and reflecting that The Incarnation is not for wimps. Thanks, for the link, Ed!

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