Newsflash: Barack Obama is Bi-Racial

Bookworm writes that the Democrats are accusing the GOP of speaking in “code” about Barack Obama’s race. Apparently Kathleen Sebelius (who, like Pontius Pilate is a GOVERNOR – [gasp!] – but of KANSAS, not Jerusalem [sigh!]) said this:

”Have any of you noticed that Barack Obama is part African-American?” Sebelius asked with sarcasm. “(Republicans) are not going to go lightly into the darkness.”

Ed Morrissey sees that since then, someone in the press has seen fit to “clean up” that quote, but he cached it. It must be a very nice thing to have the press watching your back, like that.

Okay. Is everyone clear that Barack Obama is half-black? That he is the son of a Kenyan man and a caucasian American woman? Geez, I think everyone knows this. Heaven knows, Obama has talked about it enough himself, what with carrying on about how he doesn’t look like those guys on the dollar bills, etc. Who the hell cares? When the race card has been played in this election, it’s been played from the left, because the left is fixated on race. And when you’re fixated, you project your fixation on to everyone else. And when you project it onto people you hate, you’ll project it in the most hateful way.

So, just in case anyone is as yet unaware, let’s get the BIG FLASHING BLUE LIGHT hauled out and say it, once and for all, so that Gov. Sebelius can stop worrying about big-fat-racist codes and get back to doing what Governors do which, as you know, is crucifying community organizers.

ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS (that is, I hear, “code” for “ignorant un-nuanced hillbillies who are not as good as coastal elites”) BARACK OBAMA IS NOT ALL CAUCASIAN! REPEAT: HE IS NOT ALL CAUCASIAN! HE IS PART BLACK! I KNOW! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, EITHER! I THOUGHT FOR SURE HE WAS SOME WHITE DUDE NAMED WALDO! BUT I WAS WRONG! HE’S BLACK! ISN’T THAT THE WEIRDEST THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD? AND GUESS WHAT? SARAH PALIN HAS A TANNING BED! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? SHE LIVES IN ALASKA WHERE IT’S DARK FOR HALF THE YEAR AND SHE HAS A TANNING BED! NOW YOU KNOW! HE’S BLACK! SHE’S SUPERFICIAL! HE IS FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKED TO BLOW THINGS UP! SHE GETS $30.00 HAIRCUTS FROM A HICK-HAIRSTYLIST WHO WORKS OUT OF A PINK HOUSE! NEITHER ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN IN POLITICS TOO LONG, BUT HE GOT $126,000 FROM FANNY MAE and FREDDIE MAC AND SHE PROBABLY GOT MONEY FROM SOMEONE DISREPUTABLE, TOO. HIS THUGS GO AFTER JOURNALISTS WHO DARE TO ACTUALLY COMMIT INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM ON HIM! MEANWHILE HER OWN CITIZENS ARE GOING AFTER A THUG
WHO’S INTERFERING WITH HER GETTING A FAIR INVESTIGATION! HE SEEMS TO HAVE TOLD THE IRAQIS TO HOLD OFF ON HELPING OUR TROOPS GET HOME UNTIL AFTER THE ELECTION! SHE JUST SENT HER SON OVER THERE TO FIGHT! HE HAS NO EXPERIENCE WITH INTERNATIONAL TRADE. SHE RUNS A COASTAL STATE THICK WITH IT.

SHOPPERS, EVERYONE THINKS THIS ELECTION IS ABOUT THINGS LIKE THE ECONOMY AND THE WAR AND ETHICAL GOVERNANCE AND BI-PARTISANSHIP AND STUFF LIKE THAT, BUT REALLY, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE COLOR OF BARACK OBAMA’S SKIN AND SARAH PALIN’S TANNING BED, AND NOTHING ELSE. SO VOTE ON THOSE ISSUES, OKAY? IF YOU LIKE BLACK PEOPLE, VOTE FOR OBAMA. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE BLACK PEOPLE, VOTE FOR MCCAIN. IF YOU LIKE FEMALE PEOPLE, VOTE FOR SARAH PALIN. IF YOU DON’T LIKE FEMALE PEOPLE VOTE FOR OBAMA/BIDEN. EITHER WAY YOU ARE A RACIST OR A SEXIST. WE ARE UNFORTUNATELY NOT CURRENTLY STOCKING GAY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, OR VERY FAT CANDIDATES; OTHERWISE YOU WOULD ALSO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE A HOMOPHOBE OR A FATTIST AND WIN THE HATER-DAILY DOUBLE. IF YOU ARE VOTING AGAINST OBAMA BECAUSE HE IS YOUNG, OR AGAINST MCCAIN BECAUSE HE IS OLD THEN YOU ARE AN AGEIST AND ARE ELIGIBLE FOR THE HATER-TRIFECTA TEE SHIRT!

OH, WHILE YOU’RE CONSIDERING WHAT HATER CATEGORY SUITS YOU BEST, BE SURE TO READ ABOUT HOW FIVE YEARS AGO PRESIDENT BUSH TRIED TO PROPOSE AN OVERHAUL OF THE HOUSING FINANCE INDUSTRY, INCLUDING A PLAN TO OVERSEE FAN & FRED, BUT ACCORDING TO THE NY TIMES, THE DEMOCRATS – LED BY BARNEY FRANK – BLOCKED IT.

‘These two entities — Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — are not facing any kind of financial crisis,” said Representative Barney Frank of Massachusetts, the ranking Democrat on the Financial Services Committee. ”The more people exaggerate these problems, the more pressure there is on these companies, the less we will see in terms of affordable housing.”

Representative Melvin L. Watt, Democrat of North Carolina, agreed.

”I don’t see much other than a shell game going on here, moving something from one agency to another and in the process weakening the bargaining power of poorer families and their ability to get affordable housing,” Mr. Watt said.

AND DON’T FORGET THE SECRET SPECIAL: TWO YEARS AGO JOHN MCCAIN TRIED TO RIGHT FRED & FAN: BLOCKED AGAIN!

SO SHOPPERS, KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN SOCIAL SECURITY TANKS, BECAUSE PRESIDENT BUSH & JOHN MCCAIN WANTED TO RE-STRUCTURE SOCIAL SECURITY BUT THE DEMOCRATS BLOCKED THAT, TOO, WITH THE HELP OF THE GOP. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW WHAT IS AHEAD. MAXED-OUT MAMA HAS BEEN WARNING ABOUT ALL THIS STRAIGHT UP FOR OVER A YEAR, AND BLAMING BOTH PARTIES; YOU SHOULD READ HER. NOW, PLEASE CONTINUE TALKING ABOUT OBAMA’S SKIN COLOR AND PALIN’S TANNING BED, BECAUSE THAT IS THE REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. THAT IS ALL.

What do you think? Not hysterical enough? Too subtle?

UPDATE: How about I be as subtle as Jack Cafferty, who declares that the ONLY reason Barack Obama can possibly lose the election is because of race. He ignores the fact that Obama – the most openly liberal candidate we’ve seen running for president since the 1960’s – is running at the same sort of numbers the last two Democrat candidates ran at in the last two elections. So, if you want to consider, you could say Barack is doing even better than they did, because he’s holding their numbers, even with his very liberal policies. I think the fact that Obama is running even with McCain says less about “racism” and more about how the man is being judged on his merits, which is how it should be. The reason Cafferty and the rest can’t figure that out is because they are so in enamored of him (and so completely out of touch with conservative reasoning) that they haven’t the breadth of mind to see beyond the easy and vile smear of “racism”. These “exceedingly smart” people who know so much more than the rest of us do not realize that they only know the caricatures they’ve developed of the opposition. And so they really cannot define or understand what they absolutely do not know.

Rachel Lucas – get some smart Democrat to help you with the big words.
Vanderleun can find a few reasons besides “racism” to vote for the other guy.