on being seraphic …

on being seraphic … November 8, 2011

… I appreciate all the concerned emails and words of encouragement but I assure you, kind readers, that I am not in the pits of despair and loneliness. Scrolling through the posts over the last two weeks may indicate otherwise, but I am actually a very jovial gal.

Yes, I was having a bad week. Don’t we all. So moving on from there, here is a perfect illustration of why I actually enjoy being single … despite what the mood swings may indicate.

Without question, the one thing I do not miss is all the neurosis of dating. He said he liked me, why hasn’t he called? He signed his email “I wish you all the best”. That sounds so final, did he just blow me off? Why isn’t this conversation going as smoothly as it used to? Did he just check out that other girl? I want to call him but not appear desperate or too eager? My God, he’s handsome… how far is too far?

And so on and so on.

Even the most rational minded lady can get swept up into a tailspin of self conscious doubt and neurosis when the hormones kick in. When you have something precious, like the affection and love of man, you fear losing it. When you are single this fear is blessedly nonexistent. At least I don’t have to worry about losing God’s love if I put on a few pounds or go out without wearing any make-up.

And that’s just one example of the joys of single life. For every positive thing I can write about being in a relationship I can write an equally positive point for being solo. Being lonely once in awhile is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship. Married people get lonely too. Loneliness is an internal emotion that rarely has an external cause. Changing our environment may not solve the problem, instead just give the same problems new scenery.

I love my life but that doesn’t make me immune to miserable days, even weeks. When I have these miserable moments I contemplate all the positives of being single, I email and call friends, read the lives of the saints and consult the Oracle– by Oracle I refer to Dorothy Cummings.

Dorothy Cummings blogs at Seraphic Singles and has written a book titled The Closet’s All Mine. I purchased my first copy of her book last year and since that time have acquired many copies. One copy has been passed around among my inner circle of girlfriends and a few others have been gifted to single gals in my Young Adult group. Yes! I am still considered a young adult for at least another 4 years. Hush.

I have found her writings an immeasurable source of comfort and plain old-fashioned common sense. Common sense is something that flies out the window when we are gripped with moments of Oh-my-God-I-am-going-to-die-alone-and-my-cat-will-eat-my-corpse panic. Her writings “talk me down”.

Therefore, it is my strong opinion for that reason alone her book must be owned by every woman who is single. That is why I am going to give away one of my copies to you, dear readers.

If you would like to receive a copy just comment below stating what you love most about being single. If you intend this to be a gift for a single friend or family member you know who deserves a little Seraphic-ness than tell me why. Don’t forget to leave your email address in the comment as well.

I will announce the lucky recipient of Mrs. Cumming’s book the end of next week.

"Pithy and so, so, true. If it were possible, I'd post a million of these ..."

#whyIstayed Why Women Stay In Domestically ..."
"All the best to you, Katrina! We'll miss you. Thanks for sharing your journey with ..."

Ten Years is a Long Run…
"Bon voyage on your new endeavours. And thank you."

Ten Years is a Long Run…
"I will miss your unique, funny, honest voice. Thank you for all the years of ..."

Ten Years is a Long Run…

Browse Our Archives

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Anonymous

    I am a huge fan of Seraphic too! I’d love another copy of her book to give out to friends! My favorite thing about being single is flexibility of scheduling and ability to travel. I don’t travel to exotic places (too expensive!) but I love the freedom to hop in my car and drive a few hours to see dearly-missed friends for the weekend.

  • Anonymous

    oh fail. forgot my email. maggie.melchior@gmail.com

  • Christy Hampton

    If the cat eats my corpse it will reduce the funeral costs.

    In all seriousness, probably the best part of being single is that I can sign up to be the leader for the local 40 Days for Life campaign without worrying about how I will balance being a wife/mother.

  • Kerri

    I think one of the most delightful things about single life is the ability to keep one’s own schedule. Go to bed late, sleep in, a spontaneous shopping trip… no one to “check-in” with!

  • Rob

    The best way to avoid the “Oh-my-God-I-am-going-to-die-alone-and-my-cat-will-eat-my-corpse panic” is to get rid of the cat. Seriously, there are times when I miss being married but it gets less and less all the time. I have my kids two nights a week and every other weekend. I enjoy every minute. However I have also come to relish the alone times. If I decide to sit and burn through five hours of Netflix there is no one telling me that I am wasting my time. I was asked by a friend last week if I was interested in meeting one of her friends, if I was interested in dating. After considering, I politely declined. Not withstanding that I am not free to marry, I’m just fairly happy the way things are right now.

    You are a fantastic writer, by the way.

  • Anna

    Being single can suck, but not as much as being married to the wrong person. So I am thankful I am not in that situation. As far as the best thing about being single? Not having to ask anyone’s permission to do anything.

  • Tonestaple

    My house sags under the weight of books and there is no one to tell me, “Good grief, another one. You haven’t read the ones you already have.” If I decide to get another kitty, there’s no one here except the other cats and the dog to tell me another kitty simply isn’t necessary. I read alone, I drive alone (and listen to books), I sing alone, I spend way too much time on the internet alone. It’s the only way I can imagine being.

  • Emma

    I love Seraphic and having been a long term reader of her various blogs. I have loaned out my copy of Seraphic Singles (Canadian edition) and I’m starting to think that it’s a permanent loan and recently have been needing to read her book again.

    Best thing about being single at this point in my life is I can travel when, where, and as much as I want/can afford!

  • I’m a huge fan of Seraphic Singles blog (as well as yours) and have wanted to get my hands on a copy of her book for some time now. I hate dating for reasons you stated above but as a single I do enjoy traveling the world (hoping to make 3 pilgrimages in thanksgiving for my life after a near death experience.) and having tons of fun hanging out with my sisters & girlfriends. In a month I’ll be turing 34 and while I’m not freaking out about being older I am struggling being single for my birthday (again!) and the holidays (again!) and could really use a pick-me-up!

    • Katrina Fernandez

      Rosario, can you send me your email address me or contact me at the_crescat@yahoo.com

      YOU WON!

      Congrats. I hope you enjoy her book as much as I have.

  • Crunchy Conservative Mommy

    Would it be in poor taste to gift this to my sister-in-law? She is beautiful, kind, intelligent, funny, athletic, and single. And it upsets her to the point that the entire family now avoids discussing marriage and relationships around her so we don’t make her cry. In other words, a pick-me-up book is exactly what she needs!

  • I share with you the advice once… er, given to me on occasion: “You think too much.”

    No, it’s not that I’m too smart, it’s rather that some call it “WORRY.”

    So I’ll rephrase it especially for YOU!

    “You WORRY too much!”

  • Duplicate post deleted by author. 😉

  • Maggie Lally

    Huge fan of Seraphic Singles over here! The thing I like most about being single is that I come home to a house that’s just as I left it. And no one (like my roommates in college) eats my food.


  • Queencoffeebean

    I like the vast potential for possibility. I am free to change careers, move away, join the military, get a dog, date around, go to school or grad school for as long as I want/can afford and yes, as a few have pointed out, travel… the possibilities are endless when you’re not tied down to anything. I love that. After recently getting out of a relationship which in hindsight was not healthy, I am basking in the independence and freedom.


  • Kathleen

    I love being free to do the things I want; I can work on projects in the evening because I’m not attached to the phone talking to a boyfriend, I can go visit friends on the weekend and don’t have to worry about hurting a guys feelings because I turned down a date with him.

  • Sylvia Smith

    Making the foods that only I like!!

  • Jamie

    I like the fact that I’m not tied down. I also like the fact that I’m still in the middle of my story. Not that my story would stop if I got married, but I’ve still got that to look forward to. And to be honest, I kind of like that I’m not dating, because that scares me….but being married doesn’t scare me. Hm. I guess I might want to work on that.

    I also love that I can share my singleness with other single ladies (yep, I started singing in my head a little bit there…and now I really need a new song in my head). I work with college students, and one of the things I’m most passionate about is teaching ladies that they have dignity, and that being in a relationship (or not) will never add or detract from that dignity. I like that I am an example of what being single and joyful looks like!

  • Jess

    Solitude, silence and greater freedom to pray.


  • Jess

    Sorry … jess DOT leach AT gmail DOT com