“A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.”
Francis Bacon
My deconstruction began when I started asking questions. The questions weren’t the regular softball questions we asked Sunday school teachers which propped up what the teacher was already trying to assert. These questions caused the rest of the class to groan, mumble, and most likely, talk about me behind my back.
I tried asking the questions to mentors and those higher up in our denominational structures. Although the answers from these leaders were more polished like they had quoted them a few times, they didn’t really strike at the heart of the problem or answer the question. Most leaders weren’t very patient with people asking questions, and they usually found a way to mock me.
In a way, asking the questions was liberating, almost like I was speaking for generations of people who asked the same question and got the same non-answers. Most of the beliefs in question were holes in the doctrinal assumptions that had existed for centuries if not millennia. I could almost hear Sunday school teachers, former pastors, and lifelong church members whispering to me from the grave to please continue to ask these questions.
To be honest, sometimes questions do not have obvious answers and may never be answered sufficiently, but I still believe we have to keep asking the question if we really want answers. Doubling down on our ignorance is no way to make progress before long.
I continue to ask the questions in this series. Many would believe that these questions make us bitter or that we’re just causing problems by asking them. I hope the questions help us evolve into a better state of being. Being outside of organized religion, I can finally hear the whispers and observe the drumbeat of the universe and the peace and comfort that I find.
I find my comfort not in a finalized belief statement, but a way of being that continues to question everything.
1. Shouldn’t God be a better father than me?
“The Scriptures [particularly those in the NT] were written by people who often portrayed God as a parent using the term Father.
If God is Father and if He is love, then His love for His children must at least be better than the love I have for my children.”
(from my book, Apparent Faith)
I published Apparent Faith in 2019, a few years after Chris Tomlin released his song titled, “Good, Good Father.” When it was released, we adapted the worship song to our small Baptist worship team and sang it with tears in our eyes. What most of us were crying about was that we knew our fathers in our families of origin were not always good, and especially not “good, good!” So, at first, we sang with tears in our eyes, but not too long after, Laura and I began to ask the probing question, “Is God a better father than me?”
My fodder for this cannon-like question was many of the wonderings in this essay. What kind of father would withhold information that was critical to my spiritual walk and then blame it on me when I couldn’t understand what he was being so coy about? What kind of father would eternally punish their children for minor offenses? Why would a good father create a system that was destined to fail, and then kill all of his children when they failed at that system? Why would he create an adversary for us that would inevitably lead to our downfall and leave us with shame and more unanswered questions? Why does he choose favorites?
During our 20 years of ministry, I experienced various family issues. You can tell when the father of a family is not doing it well. The primary indicator is that the family members continually make excuses for him. Similarly, it is a good method to identify a bad politician by lemmings that explain what he said and what he did. But I also found that to be true and religion and spirituality. I mean, we even call it apologetics. Think about that for a while.
God, like a good father, should be able to be experienced as authentic, and shouldn’t need thousands of theology books, sermons, and conferences to make excuses for him. The question eventually became, “Isn’t he at least better than me?”
I’ve decided to address one question at a time so the reader can digest it before moving on to the next inquiry. At this point, I have about 15 questions that I will release 1 by 1. Hopefully, these questions will challenge you and help you begin to or continue to evolve in your journey of discovery.
Try making a list of questions you have. Then, compare your experience as a parent to the narrative of modern Christianity concerning God as a Father. My book, Apparent Faith, is also helpful in probing these questions. It also has more questions for further thought at the end of each chapter.
Keep asking good questions!
Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!
Karl Forehand
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 3
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 2
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 1
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https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-desert-sanctuary/id1345562241 Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He is married to his wife Laura of 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.
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