(Guest post by my wife, Laura Forehand) Leaving organized religion has opened up so many opportunities to heal that I wasn’t encouraged inside the church to explore. Don’t get me wrong…when I was hurting inside the church, I was offered some ideas to help relieve my suffering such as praying more, reading my bible more, fasting, or seeking Christian counseling. I definitely tried all of the above. The thing about trauma however is that your nervous system holds onto those... Read more
I know some great fathers. They are kind to their wife and children and deliberate about doing things in a way that benefits everyone. Most of the other fathers want to be like these model dads, but they often fall short. Then there are the Jim Bob Duggars of the world that want all women and children to obey them without question, or they will be beaten. They make cult leaders out of their sons to continue the abuse and... Read more
All of us have been there at one time or another. We come to that point where we realize an employer or a religious group or an association is just not working for us anymore. I consider myself loyal, and I suppose that’s why I take it harder when someone disappoints me within that organization. I take that very personally, especially when it is abusive behavior, and move quickly to address the issues. Anything that involves grouping together is essentially... Read more
I hate to admit it, but we have watched the series called “The Great,” which is mostly a non-historical version of the reign of Catherine the Great of Russia. It is entertaining, but I don’t necessarily recommend it, especially if you’re still a little squeamish about sex and language. We also watched the documentary “Shiny Happy People” about Jim Bob and Michelle and the IBLP movement. In it, they repeatedly remind everyone about the hierarchy, Jesus, then the father, then... Read more
There are lots of things that bothered me about the documentary, Shiny Happy People. For example, there was the blanket training that was described where they place a toddler on a blanket and put something they want just out of reach and then hit them with flexible rulers or glue sticks when they try to leave to break their will and promote obedience over all else. There were many more things to notice like: – mysogyny – extended “encouragement” (spanking)... Read more
My denomination of origin was composed of people that never liked to change their minds. Most of the adults throughout my childhood were the same way. They would say, “I’ve made up my mind and you’re not going to change it.” That is how we were with everything: religion, politics, work and even home life. There’s a certain benefit to determination. When we decide to do something, it is good to move forward and work through obstacles to reach a... Read more
Most of my life was about fitting in. I had thick glasses, I was short and skinny, and most of my life, we were financially poor. So I always felt like I was at a deficit and trying to make up for that. I wanted to be accepted by others– I wanted to fit in. After a decade in the business world, I decided to enter the ministry. We pastored several churches over 20 years and I was considered good... Read more
Yesterday, I heard someone talking on social media. They were wondering whether getting angry would put them in some kind of spiritual danger or make them vulnerable to the “devil” or evil. Religion has tried to indoctrinate us with the idea that emotions are dangerous or harmful or a waste of time. We were taught to bypass our emotions by using platitudes such as “God is in Control,” etc. Because we felt that we could not trust our feelings or... Read more
I used to walk to the pulpit and exclaim “I have nothing of value to say that is not contained in this book” as I held up my copy of the Bible. Over the years, my views about the Jewish and Christian scriptures changed, and they continues to evolve. For the most part, most major religions pluck their scriptures from a certain time in history or a certain person, and the rest of us are left to wrestle with the... Read more
I was a pastor for 20 years, mostly in smaller towns. I would blend into a community and relate with them and help them rehabilitate their church. Mega Church pastors told me the struggles of pastors are the same, no matter the size of the church. I came from the business world, but I obtained a seminary degree to help me understand what I was getting into. Mostly it just taught me how to wrangle the scriptures to match my... Read more
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