When to show up at parties and other life tips

a.k.a.

Auntie Cathi’s Guide to Life (Abridged)

Dear Fiona,

Welcome to the human race.

When I was in the maternity ward the other day, I noticed that you didn’t have a whole lot with you, apart from the pile of nappies.

So I thought you might appreciate a little advice. A few operating instructions until you figure some of this stuff out on your own.

Think of it as an existential crib note. Just tuck it into the end of your swaddling when nobody’s looking.

Auntie Cathi’s Guide to Life (Abridged):

Don’t be afraid.

When you cry, someone will hear you. Always.

You may not be caught before you fall down, but someone will be there to help you up.

It’s better to trust and make a mistake than to be afraid and never do anything.

Talk to God.

Listen for the still, small voice.

Avoid the crowds.

Have lots of ideas, but be careful what you believe.

If it’s hateful, angry or mean, it’s wrong.

Feel free to dance, sing, laugh, skip and giggle.

Don’t stop dancing, singing, laughing, skipping and giggling — especially giggling — even when they tell you it’s time to grow up.

Funny is in the eye of the beholder.

Take side streets.

Fasten your seat belt.

Be on time.

Unless it’s for a social call that doesn’t involve a movie or a play, and then be fashionably late. I see you’ve already grasped this concept, as you arrived on Tuesday when you were expected Friday.

For future reference, dear, fashionably late usually means about 15 minutes.

God is in the details.

Allow God to live in other places, too.

Brush your teeth.

No faking.

No smoking.

Comb wet hair from the bottom up or you’ll get split ends.

Don’t shave above your knees if the hair on your legs is blond.

Be good to your feet. Sure, they taste good now, but you’ll thank me when you’re 40.

Eat lots of vegetables.

If you hate brussels sprouts when you’re 7, you’ll love them when you’re 27. Same with tomatoes.

You’re more resilient than you think.

Pay attention when you hurt.

Tell Mommy and Daddy.

Be friendly to everyone, but choose your friends wisely.

Judge not.

Finger-paint.

Leave a big tip.

Pick blueberries.

Bake a cake from scratch.

Butter. Not margarine.

Count the stars and learn their names.

If you get the hiccups, take a really deep breath, and then one tiny breath more, hold it, and relax. Works every time.

When you’re waiting for the elevator, stand off to the side so when the doors open, the people inside have room to get off.

If you get deodorant on your black shirt, rub the white spots together and they’ll disappear.

Call ahead.

In the car, you can sing as loud as you want.

Don’t pop your gum.

Drink lots of water.

Be full of surprises, but signal before changing lanes.

Find your beauty ideal in your mother’s face, not on television.

Never let anyone with a mullet cut your hair.

When styles come back into fashion that you remember wearing, they’re not “vintage,” no matter what anyone says.

Don’t wear white shoes after Labor Day. Actually, try to avoid wearing white shoes altogether, unless they’re accompanied by surgical scrubs.

Don’t pay more than $50 for a pair of jeans.

Don’t worry if you get a couple of zits. You’re probably the only one who can see them.

Acne is not a character flaw.

Don’t believe the hype.

The beach is an excellent place to spin around until you get dizzy.

Put flags on your sand castles.

Pray early and often.

Stretch.

Skinny dip.

Sleep at night.

Listen to music. All kinds of music. Even the stuff you can’t dance to.

Play your parents’ records.

Read their books.

Read your books.

Read everything, except for fashion magazines.

Go to the library.

Think of your work as worship, but don’t worship your work.

Take vacations.

Learn to swim.

Learn to dive.

Climb something.

Learn to play the piano.

Learn to play the harmonica.

After you master English, learn at least one more language.

Be patient.

Ride a train.

Fly.

Tell stories. Collect them.

When you’re having a conversation, don’t be afraid of silences.

Pet the dog. Scratch the cat’s ears gently.

Don’t pull on tails, no matter who they’re attached to.

Catch and release.

Know your neighbors.

Listen to your parents.

Don’t just hear the words. Pay attention to what they’re trying to say.

Request a window seat.

Make art.

Write a poem.

Add the finishing touches.

Try to understand the things that are scary.

Ask lots of questions.

Yes is a prayer.

So is “Help,” and “Thank you.”

No is sometimes the answer.

Be generous with love and money.

Share your toys, not your dessert.

Keep an eye out for angels. They have a tendency to show up unannounced, and they don’t resemble movie stars. Usually.

Look those less fortunate than you in the eye.

Only ignore insults.

God loves you. Now, there are plenty of people who will argue that this point is still up in the air, but trust me on this one, Fiona.

God loves you. No matter what.

And God would appreciate it if you could try to love other people the same way.

Take all advice with the appropriate amount of salt, considering the source.

Love,

Auntie Cathi

P.S. I don’t have gum in my purse, but I do have Butter Rum Life Savers.

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