| Cathleen Falsani

Merappy Chrismahanukwanzakah, everyone!

I’d like to think it all started with Festivus.

Way back on Dec. 18, 1997, when “Seinfeld’s” loony Costanza family introduced the rest of the world to the peculiar, nonreligious holiday they celebrate Dec. 23.

The pole.

The airing of grievances.

The feats of strength.

Patriarch Frank Costanza explained the genesis of Festivus thusly: “Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way…. [The doll] was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born — a Festivus for the rest of us!”

Ah, can’t you just picture the cold, tinsel-free pole standing proudly in the Costanza living room, a testament to anti-sectarianism and commercialized spirituality? Breathtaking.

A few months back, I started hearing about another new holiday: Chrismukkah.

I took this to mean Christmas-meets-Hanukkah. How clever, and what a cool, if small, victory for religiously mixed families.

There are even Chrismukkah greeting cards, something I wish they’d had a number of years ago when I was rifling through the racks of my neighborhood stationery store looking for a card that would be appropriate for my Jewish friend and her Baptist husband. I found one with a cartoon of Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus on the front and the words, “It’s a goy!” inside.

My friend has a great sense of humor, so it was a safe bet she’d laugh. But for those who don’t appreciate irreverence, I was stuck with the namby-pamby “Happy Holidays!” I usually opted for the simple, universal “Peace.”

Whence came Chrismukkah, I wondered.

Were I a fan of Fox’s show “The OC,” I would have known without asking. But as I’m one of seven American adults under the age of 40 who don’t watch the show that the guy next to me at the paper insists is a “guilty pleasure,” I had to do some research to discover its provenance.

As I understand it, a character named “Seth Cohen” on “The OC,” played by someone called Adam Brody — he looks like a young Tom Hanks — coined the term on an episode last year to describe the Jewish-Christian hybrid holiday he created for his family.

And they say Fox doesn’t promote family values.

While terms that mix Christmas and Hannukah have been around for more than a decade — I found references for the ever-popular “Hanumas” that date to 1986 and Chrismukkah (spelled variously) to 1997 — it would seem Chrismukkah (as such) took its rightful place in the popular consciousness when it proceeded from the mouth of dreamy Mr. Brody.

The latest entry in the pan-religious winter holiday meld-off is Chrismahanukwanzakah, brought to you by the cheeky monkeys of Virgin Mobile USA’s advertising department.

They even have a jingle, “We’re all Snowflakes,” performed by the alt-rock band Ween in what one Virgin executive described to me as “a twisted spin on the Carpenters.” In one ad, an animated reindeer with menorah-shaped antlers and a multi-armed, sitar-playing Santa holding a dreidel and seated on a large lotus blossom sing:

It’s OK if you’re a Muslim, a Christian or a Jew

It’s OK if you’re agnostic and you don’t know what to do

An all-inclusive celebration, no contractual obligation

Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you (and pagans, too!)

In some way we’re all monkeys, well maybe just a smidgeon

I’m a Scientologist, that’s kind of a religion

Whose faith is the right one? It’s anybody’s guess

What matters most is cameraphones for $20 less….

“Most companies tiptoe around the holidays and ultimately default to something like a snowflake or other generic symbols and icons,” said Bob Stohrer, the company’s vice president of brand and communications. “I think people are really stuffy and caught up and fearful at the holidays, and we saw an opportunity to really celebrate not only the holidays but diversity in general.”

Speaking of marketing, apparently the honchos at “The OC” are less than thrilled with a Montana businessman who is selling a line of interfaith greeting cards and other holiday accouterments under the name Chrismukkah.

Ron Gompertz, purveyor of Chrismukkah cards through his Web site www.chrismukkah.com, admits he was inspired by “The OC” to launch his interfaith venture, but insists the term “Chrismukkah” had long been in the public domain.

Apparently, “The OC’s” creator Josh Schwartz disagrees. Earlier this week, Schwartz told Lloyd Grove of the New York Daily News that Gompertz was cashing in on the show’s idea. “The OC” is now marketing its own Chrismukkah paraphernalia online at www.theocinsider.com, including greeting cards, wrapping paper, and yarmuclaus — red beanie-like hats trimmed in white faux-fur.

Gompertz, who is Jewish and married to the daughter of a Protestant minister, says he thinks some of “The OC’s” new Chrismukkah merchandise looks a little too much like his own designs, such as the matzo ball snowman and a candy-cane menorah.

“It seemed to be kind of grinchly to try to own something that was out in the public domain,” Gompertz told me, explaining why he didn’t try to trademark his Chrismukkah designs. “Now we could be talking about the Fox that stole Chrismukkah.”

Trademark attorneys have been summoned by both sides.

How festive!

In the spirit of Festivus, maybe they should just wrestle for it.