by Colette M. Liddy
When my mother passed away, my brother John found a list she had kept called “Dates that Changed My Life.” One of the entries read “November 5, 1985 — Charlene born –Grandmother,” marking the first time our Mom had became a Grandma.
I thought of that after I heard Catherine Wiley, founder of the Catholic Grandparents Association, call grandparenting a “vocation,” while speaking at the Divine Mercy Conference in the Bronx last spring. Her international organization, which operates out of Ireland, aims to help grandparents pass on the faith and keep prayer central to family life.
On September 28 Pope Francis presided at the first international meeting with grandparents and the elderly under the banner of “The Blessing of Long Life.”
He spoke of the “a great task” that has been entrusted to grandparents, “to transmit the experience of life, the history of a family, of a community, of a people; to share with simplicity wisdom and the faith itself — the most precious inheritance.”
The concept of grandparenting as a vocation and sharing “the most precious inheritance” of faith certainly resonates with grandparents like Dee Taylor, of Caldwell, N.J., a grandmother of five children ages four to 20. “We need to pray a lot. They are our future,” she insists.
She tells her grandchildren to pray for themselves, and they know she will pray for them. Recently, her 11 year-old grandson begged her to pray for his team to win the championship baseball game. “He implored ‘Nana, you have to pray for us’,” said Taylor. Sure enough, they won and the coach brought Taylor out on the field, telling the team that she was the one behind the heavenly aid.
That witness to the children is important — “It’s gospel,” says Taylor.
The influence of a grandparent’s faith can extend long into a grandchild’s life, and even help him or her get through the darkest moments. American journalist James Foley, executed by ISIS after being held captive since 2012, wrote a letter to his alma mater, Marquette University, about his first experience in captivity in Libya in 2011, and how he prayed the rosary. “It was what my mother and grandmother would have prayed,” he said.
Another letter, dating from his more recent abduction, was released recently by his family. Foley dictated it to a fellow captive, who memorized it and recounted it to Foley’s mother upon his release. Foley had his grandmother well into his adult life and the relationship obviously impacted him, as expressed in his loving closing words in that letter: “Grammy, please take your medicine, take walks and keep dancing. I plan to take you out to Margarita’s when I get home. Stay strong because I am going to need your help to reclaim my life.”
The idea of grandparenting as a vocation makes me think of my relationship with my own grandparents. Anytime my brothers and sisters and I were in the car with my grandparents, we would pray the rosary. We learned many a prayer during those rides. And I can still see our paternal grandfather — an inner-city Newark, New Jersey high school football coach and educator — on a Sunday afternoon, sitting in the dining room, football game on but the sound down, and his rosary beads dangling from his pocket as he whispered the prayers.
“Do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.” (Deutoronomy 4:9)
The influence of a grandparent’s witness should not be underestimated. The Catholic Grandparents Association supports that witness and intercession. They organize a number of activities, including Grandparents Pilgrimages, and promote the Universal prayer for Grandparents, which was written for their organization by Pope Benedict XVI in 2008.
The Association invites children to write prayers in honor of their grandparents, and remember members’ intentions, and provide ideas for keeping the connection with grandchildren.
On Wiley’s website she explains: “Grandparents have no agenda; they simply want the best for their grandchildren. They want them to be good, decent human beings, to know the difference between right and wrong, able to make good moral decisions and, if they go astray along the way, to be able to find their way back to a loving, forgiving, non-judgmental God.”
Taylor hopes the Catholic Grandparents Association will become an active organization in the United States. “I would love to see this happen in the U.S. I am never too old to learn from other grandparents,” she said.
But what about those children who don’t have grandparents? We know God always provides. A special aunt or uncle can certainly enrich a child’s life. Teens and families can volunteer at local nursing homes. Such a gift of self is often rewarded with the mutual exchange of joys unique to inter-generational contact. Seniors are greatly enthused to have young people in their lives, and teens begin to recognize the simple wisdom of a newfound elder friend.
Grandparents who have grandchildren living out of state, or even in another country, can be creative in coming up with ideas on how to pass on the faith and connect with the grandchildren. Taylor, who has two grandchildren in Georgia, says she “sends them little books about God, Jesus and the Blessed Mother.” Social media can help, too — I’m sure there are grandparents who use Skype to pray with their grandchildren.
Earlier this year, Pope Francis spoke about seniors at a Charismatic Renewal gathering in Rome. He said: “May the Lord always give us elderly people who pass onto us the memory and wisdom of the Church and the sense of joy with which Simeon and Anna greeted promises from afar.”
Wisdom and Joy. That’s what grandparents can give their grandchildren: wisdom and joy even in the toughest of life’s circumstances.
One of my parish priests recently said that his grandmother would tell him, “Don’t ever go for advice to anyone who does not have faith and has never suffered.” Words of wisdom for sure.
Many grandparents may not reap the benefits of seeing their grandchildren embrace the faith in their lifetime, but perhaps after they are gone, even long after, “remembering” will ignite a fire of faith deep within the grandchildren. And they will know. And believe.
In a time when keeping relationships alive between grandparents and grandchildren demands extra effort, Pope Francis’ words and the Catholic Grandparents Association efforts are encouraging. They show us how to live out the important work of guarding “what God has entrusted to you” (Timothy 6:20) in the vocation of grandparenting and passing down the most precious inheritance of faith — a priceless gift for present and future generations.
None of us are going to live forever, but for those who believe in the communion of saints our relationships can and will endure. My grandmother would often quote Saint Thomas More to my siblings and me: “You pray for me. I’ll pray for you. And someday we’ll meet merrily in heaven.”
Colette M. Liddy is a media relations professional and former television and radio producer. Her previous piece at Patheos, on reaching out to others in the digital age, can be found here.
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