Walking The Talk – Personal Integrity

I didn’t graduate from a traditional high school. In fact, my high school at the time (which was like a million years ago) was super progressive and different. There were a lot of schools in the 90s that were considered educational experiments, some of them made it, but most of them didn’t. I’ve written about this experience a lot. It’s because of this school that I am who I am. Part of what we were taught was that we were a family, we were taught how to communicate with each other, we were taught about personal power, and personal integrity. This last concept is one that I’ve come back to time and time again. Personal integrity; it’s is part of my personal “coat of arms”, it’s all about walking your talk.

And it sounds pretty easy, just do what you say you are going to do…but sometimes living up to my own expectations is a challenge and acknowledging that is also part of walking my talk and being in integrity.

Here’s the official definition: Integrity: noun the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The state of being whole and undivided.

But what does “moral principles” really mean? I know a lot of people that live by their own moral principles and they are not in alignment with what I would consider moral at all. And the word is a noun, it’s a thing, not an descriptor. You have to be in integrity or with integrity.

Even back in high school I dreamed of being a “Professional Priestess”. I didn’t really know what that meant, but from the books I was reading the Priestesses of the past lived in a house together, they worked the land and sewed their own clothes, they were available to the villagers with healing salves and ointments. They may have led public ritual and for sure did private ritual. They served community, you know, like nuns or something! I didn’t want to be a nun, because they worship the Christian God and I wasn’t raised that way, but I did want to be a nun dedicated to the Goddess and available to serve community. Too bad that job didn’t exist!

Even when I started to do more public Priestessing I was told again and again, by mentors and teachers that it was nearly impossible to make magic and Priestessing a full time job. “There’s no way to earn a living”, I was told. And it’s true we Pagans have some serious issues with paying folks, that’s a whole other subject that we can talk about later. But it is rare that someone can do this work full time and successfully support themselves financially.

I remember this one mentor in particular, he said most pagans who teach and offer their services also have “regular” “mainstream” jobs that pay their bills and allow for them you use their (very limited) free time to serve community. I gotta tell you, I hated hearing that. I didn’t want to believe it. And the jobs seemed like they needed to pay really well in order to afford the travel and other expenses that go into teaching. I thought I was screwed and dream job was really only that, a dream.

This mentor pointed out one person from our community who has become a rather “Big Name Pagan”, this person isn’t even associated with our tradition anymore, but they did get part of their foundation from Reclaiming and has since moved on to other things. I was told that in order to make Priestessing my life I might have to do what this ‘BNP’ did and make up my own spiritual system.

Ugh. That doesn’t feel like walking my talk.

Which brings me right back to high school. One of my class advisers brought up integrity in every. single. conversation. we. ever. had. Seriously. He was the champion of personal integrity and what he taught me has been a lifetime powerhouse of a lesson.

Personal integrity isn’t about being moral. It isn’t about being upright. It isn’t about doing the right thing. But rather, integrity is about doing what you said you were going to do. Walking your talk. If you say something you better be willing to put in the time, hours, and sweat to make it happen.

And this is actually the common thread that I see with folks who are making Priestessing their full time gig. They walk their fucking talk. This ‘BNP’ person that I mentioned has serious personal integrity. They are doing the work that they write and teach about. It isn’t an act. It’s not because they are charming or have a great personality (although I’m sure that helps). It isn’t that they are a good writer and know how to schmooze with the right people. They are doing the work.

What I mean is they are actually doing their work. Anyone can write a book or a blog and tell you what to do in your practice. Anyone can come up with a system. Anyone can teach a class or a workshop. But without doing the day to day personal work, without personally connecting to the gods or the earth, without having relationship with the elemental forces, it’s all just lip service, it’s not integrity.

And yeah, I still want to live in the Priestess House and have a simple life with daily prayer and devotional work too, and for, the Goddess with a deep connection to the land. However, what is more important is that I am consistently striving to walk my talk. That is my work as a full time Priestess. Maybe it doesn’t look like what I expected a decade ago and no, I’m not getting financially rich, but that was never the point. My life is rich in so many ways and the more I walk my talk, the more that I see the benefits.