Remember that scene in The Craft where the main characters are standing in the grove of trees and Nancy holds the blade to Sarah’s chest and asks how she enters the circle and Sarah responds, “With perfect love and perfect trust”. Remember that? It was a pivotal scene for me because up to that point that ritual process was something I had only read about, I’d not witnessed it or experienced it myself. The year that movie came out I’d already been practicing witchcraft for three years, fumbling around on my own.
For those of you who may be wracking your brains to pull up this particular pop culture reference from the 1990s, in this scene four teenage girls cast a circle and then they enter it with each being challenged to enter in “perfect love and perfect trust”. Not too long later, their relationships with each other turned to shit. They ran into power tripping, egos out of control, backstabbing and the total destruction of their friendships. But in the beginning, before they knew any better, there was Perfect Love And Perfect Trust.
Sound familiar? If you’ve ever been in a circle, a coven, a grove, a learning group, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it, you may have experienced this same phenomena.
These words are still spoken at many circle gatherings. I’ve spoken them. When I say them now I mean them 100%, I take them extremely seriously. In my younger days, there were times I entered the circle and there wasn’t perfect love or perfect trust, but oh! I wanted that so badly that I was willing to lie to myself to be in the circle. I was willing to fib a bit around the edges about love and trust to my coven-mates because I wanted love and trust to be perfect. I lied in sacred space. I suffered for the lie and those covens fell apart.
There are groups where perfect love and perfect trust were there in the beginning. But groves, covens, working groups, just like any other relationship, aren’t all roses and champagne. There can be conflict, trouble, hard times, and general mismatched personalities. Groups fall apart, dissolve, explode, or phase out. But I’ll tell you what, as soon as the perfect love and the perfect trust can’t be maintained in sacred space, it maybe too late to save the circle anyway.
Oddly enough, I’ve learned something that may be counter-intuitive about perfect love and perfect trust. I don’t necessarily have to have it outside of the circle in order to have it inside the circle. I don’t even have to like a coven-mate outside of circle*. Don’t get me wrong, it helps to like your coven-mates, but it actually isn’t a requirement. The only thing that is important is the love and the trust that you have once you step into sacred space. Do you trust those coveners to hold you in the highest good while in ritual? Do you love your coven-mates and the work you are engaged in enough to hold them in their highest good during ritual? Can you let go of whatever issues you have in the outside world to create magic together? If you can’t answer “yes” to all of these questions, then you might have some hard work to do. And that hard work might include finding a new coven.
Over the years I’ve been in different groups and covens where I’ve held leadership, where no one held leadership, and where someone else held leadership. In each of these experiences, what I’ve discovered is that the love and the trust don’t always extend past the ritual circle. I used to feel bad about this but I don’t anymore. I’m not going to like everyone and I know for damn sure that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but in the confines of sacred space, does that really matter?
However, let’s be real here for a minute, shall we? Sometimes you can leave your shit at the door and sometimes you can’t. It can get even more challenging when you find yourself in coven with a romantic partner or former romantic partner or a close friend.
Relationships can be challenging and require work; and sometimes that work can end up bleeding into ritual gatherings. When your trust is shaken, when you are in a disagreement, when the relationship is rocky, can you still enter the circle and let that drop away? Can you still hold perfect love and perfect trust? These are hard questions, hard things to face, and they should all be considered before you even step into a coven. Are you ready to take on that responsibility?
Magic is often messy. Magic can be hard. Magic will push your edges and leave you raw. (Just like relationships.) And you have to be able to trust the people in circle with you, even if that trust stops once the circle comes down. If you find yourself no longer able to trust your partner outside of the circle, that will assuredly impact the work in the circle. If you find that your love for your friend is tarnished outside the circle that too will bleed into the circle. And then you have some hard choices to make. Do you bring this issue to your circle, do you do the work to heal your relationship, or do you move on and find another coven to be a part of?
This is what ‘perfect love and perfect trust’ is really all about, for me. It’s about being totally and completely honest with myself. It’s about being honest about my feelings. It’s about being honest with the people in the various groups and covens I’m part of. It’s allowing things to be less than perfect outside of the ritual room. It’s about being willing to set challenges aside and do the work of being in the moment.
Of all the things we practice in Witchcraft, perfect love and perfect trust, is one of the hardest because it asks for vulnerability, for faith, and bravery. After all, being a witch isn’t a spectators sport, right?
*Just to be super clear. I freakin’ LOVE my current coven. Oh my Gods! These people are amazing…Just sayin’.
The Witches Next Door
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