The List of “To-do’s”

I am determined to spend much of the day on the thing I tend to put off until they threaten to bury me.  Each of us has our list of things we put off, whether they be tasks of some sort, relationships, finances, spiritual, self-care–I honestly don’t think there is one person who is on top of everything in life.

I remember once thinking that my list of necessary “to-do’s” had grown to a point where I could see the sheet of paper numbering them lengthening through the house and out the door and down the front sidewalk.  I was a young woman then, raising three lively boys, actively volunteering in church, school and community, trying to be the perfect wife in a problematic marriage, and determined to be the perfect Christian in a theological world that valued women primarily for their ability to submit to male leadership and willingness to take care of kitchen and nursery duties.

Exhaustion became my middle name, and eventually my first name.  Physical, mental, spiritual exhaustion permeated my every thought, every breath.

That is unholy living. I finally threw away that list of “to-do’s” that had been externally imposed on me, and sought diligently the face of God for myself. I read, studied, prayed, confessed my unbelief and savored my moments of transcendent peace and joy.  I chose faithfulness to God, even as the pressure to conform grew.

I finally found grace, the kind of grace that offers unending love while still calling me to greater holiness and obedience.  I’m aware that such grace and such callings also mean the details of living must be attended to.  However, unlike the despair of Dilbert character, I’ve discovered that even those mind-numbing tasks can be means of grace.  The routine of cleaning up, essentially dusting the corners of my life can, in the doing of them, teach me about God’s love and the need to offer that to all–including me and my current list of “to-do’s.”

So, I’m tackling them one by one, will rejoice in what I’m able to accomplish and seek to look at the rest with a sense of humor and this prayer:  “Dear God, thank You that there is always more to do.  Thank You that I may find You in the doing of these things and also find You in the things left undone. Thank You for sending the Savior and setting me free from the idea that my accomplishments bring salvation or that my lack of accomplishments bring condemnation.  Above all, I seek this day to be faithful to you, my Lord and my God.”