The Return of the Seven Month Full-Term Baby

The Return of the Seven Month Full-Term Baby July 3, 2015

Image courtesy of Creative Commons Clip Art
Image courtesy of Creative Commons Clip Art

After I wrote of my support of the recent SCOTUS decision that affirms marriage for all citizens, one commentator wrote of his agreement for certain civil rights for gay couples and then added this caveat, “Marriage is a contract between two people of opposite sex that want to have children and raise a family. That is not biologically possible between gay and lesbian couples.”

So, I ask these questions:

  • Should we then make fertility a requirement for marriage?
  • How would hetero couples prove their abilities to reproduce before marriage?
  • What about older couples who desire to marry but who are no longer biologically capable of reproducing?
  • What about those who have suffered from childhood cancers whose treatments have rendered them infertile?
  • If a couple announces before marriage that they do not wish to ever have children, should we then deny them the right to marry?

These are all real-world scenarios and need to be addressed. And then I started to ask: How indeed does one prove that a couple is capable of reproducing before marriage?

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons Clip Art
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons Clip Art

Suddenly the answer just popped into my head: we again affirm that a seven month gestation will produce a full-term baby!

“What?” you say? “Preposterous!”

How quickly we forget!!! Such events were common to the Boomer generations and before. Now, on occasion, they also began with something known as a “shotgun wedding.” That’s the kind of wedding where the blushing bride’s father pointed a shotgun at a nervous young man while the preacher solemnized the union. Then, lo and behold, an eight pound baby would be born seven months later while everyone admired the miracle, congratulated the parents and winked at the grandparents.

Just think of the advantages of insisting on this practice! No more year-long planning of weddings. They will all need to take place within a short window of time when (wink, wink) the stars align and before the tell-tell bump emerges.  Wedding gift shopping and baby shower shopping can be combined into one all purpose gift. The average age of marriages will drop dramatically, meaning no more money wasted on extended years of education. Now, the need for marriage counseling might increase, I do admit. But we can deal with that later.

It also means all older folks who are past child-bearing but who want to be in covenant relationship again simply forego the altar. Instead they head together to the attorney’s office to draw up necessary legal documents and then simply shack up together. No worries then about one relinquishing social security benefits which often happens in such later marriages.

For those younger couples who are either infertile or who have dedicated themselves to childless existence: the same solution–just move in together.

For all children who might have been adopted and given loving homes and healthy upbringing by either same-sex couples or otherwise infertile couples, I say, “Gosh, too bad. Hope you make it. Best of luck to you.”

Preachers will do fewer weddings, saving much of their limited time. A whole new profession might emerge, somewhat like drop-in medical clinics, only this will be drop-in “shack-up together” document preparation.

Isn’t this a glorious solution?


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