Evaluating Dating

If the problem of courtship is that it has a tendency to stifle normal romantic interaction between the opposite sexes, the problem of dating is that it allows too much. Courtship, if anything, is careful. Dating, as practiced by many Christians, seems without any set structure, any means by which two people thoughtfully think through their relationship and its bigger implications.

This is a big reason for the rise of courtship in certain Christian circles. Many Christians have been alarmed at the way that young people have followed their culture in their dating. Dating is often done without physical standards, parental or church involvement of any type, and a greater goal. It is simply irresponsible and dangerous for two young people in an age where their hormones are working overtime and their emotions want desperately to attach to not give careful attention to the way their relationship proceeds. Strangely, many Christian parents seem unaware of the dangers of dating. Sure, that sounds alarmist. But take a look at the amount of Christian couples who fall into physical sin (often grave) before marriage, and you realize that a change is needed.

The drawbacks of traditional dating are obvious. Usually, a man takes a shine to a girl, generally with too much weight given to her physical appearance, and then asks her out. The two commence a relationship that is neither well-defined or headed anywhere special. Ask the guy about marriage and he’s likely to back up a few steps. “Whoa, bro, I’m not ready for anything like that. Chill out–this is just a relationship.” The irresponsibility in this statement is obvious. But at the same time, it’s interesting that the dating couple often gets to know one another far more intimately than many courting couples. This is so because they do what couples must do before marriage: get to know one another. This can be and often is overdone, but it is essential that couples learn much about their boy/girlfriend before taking significant steps. There are many couples out there who successfully check all the boxes of courting but who, at the end of the process, realize they don’t possess adequate knowledge of the other to proceed. There has to be a better way than courting as it’s traditionally practiced, and dating as it’s traditionally practiced. But what might that be?