Dear Lady with the Stupid Husband

Dear Lady with the Stupid Husband

First of all, let me say this, your husband has a say in how his children are raised and in how his damn wife speaks about him on the internet. I am a wife. I have a husband. I am sure you would look at my life and think that I’m some twit who can’t think for herself and that’s why I allow my husband to oppress me. Not to mention the Pope. (not this pope cuz he’s cool, but for sure the last one was oppressive)

You don’t know me, and you don’t know my life. But I have a blog so look around and learn a little about me. I’ll try to give you the highlights real quick though.

I am 36 years old. I have 4 kids and am married to my second husband who also has an ex-wife and three kids. I was raised by a single mother whose only boyfriend sexually abused me when I was a kid. I was picked on all the way until I got to high school when I left my small town and moved to the city. I went to the ghetto school there and that is where I learned how to fight. I don’t mean debate on the internet kind of fight; I mean punch you in the throat kind of fight. I have fought all my life. I’m no punk.

Maybe you’re a dumb ass for marrying a stupid person, have you ever thought about that? I didn’t marry a stupid person. Even my first husband wasn’t stupid. He was lost maybe, but not stupid. What kind of woman marries a stupid person?

I got married because I wanted to *share* my life with someone. What an effing concept. Have we forgotten why people get married? I don’t think so because all the reasons of LOVE are displayed everywhere when we are discussing gay marriage. Is gay marriage the only kind of marriage that is about sharing our lives with another human being? Straight marriages are about being an individual?

Well, not mine. My marriage is about love, about how much I love my husband and how much he loves me. He loves me enough to support me when I want to stay home, when I want to raise my kids, when I want to write a book, when I want to work part-time, when I want to quit that part-time job, when I want to go to school and when I want to drop out of school . Not only does he *support* me, but he is part of my decision-making process because this is his life too.

I must say that I’ve been really bad at caring about my husband’s opinion lately, so I have to thank you for making me remember what it is like to be a selfish, bitter and angry wife who dares to call her husband “stupid” in public. Not because he will ground me but because I love him.

I married a man who works his ass off to take care of my family. He loves me when I am unlovable, and I’m sure you have figured out by now that it is easy to unlove me. My husband stands up for me like Matt Walsh stands up for his wife when people say really rude things about me. Which, by the way, is what Mr. Walsh was doing in his post. My husband cuts for me. I don’t know if you know what that means, but it means that he defends me to the effing death, and I do the same.

Husbands are not some passive part of a picture perfect life. Husbands are gifts, they are gifts to US. They aren’t stupid, they aren’t jerks, and they aren’t possessions. And if they are, then you aren’t married to the right one or you, yes YOU, are doing marriage wrong.

So, you can take your self-righteous goddess complex somewhere else, but don’t dare try to speak for me, or my friends, as women when you are in a combox attacking your own husband and someone else’s, because you do not speak for this stay at home wife.

I am thankful for being able to stay at home and raise my kids. I fail at that a lot of days but it is still something that I cherish. I love teaching my kids how to be good people, to teach them values and to love them every day that I can. Is it easy? Nope. Some days I feel like they all are driving me nuts. When those days come, the man who I married buys me some wine to make my day better. There is nothing stupid about that move.

I feel sorry for you; you don’t know what a great thing it is to love your husband instead of thinking that he’s so stupid. I’m sure that nobody knows just how angry, enclosed and bitter that you are like your husband does. But let me lay some truth on you: calling your husband “stupid” is abusive. I know this, because I have called my husband plenty of names and I know what that does to a person. You are no different from any other abuser. Having a vagina doesn’t make you exempt from the ability to abuse your spouse. And you, lady, are an abuser. Get some help.

Husbands are entitled to be treated with respect; if the man you married isn’t entitled to that then you are a dumb ass for marrying him in the first place. Fathers have a right to have a say in how their children are raised. Women fought for many years to be treated with respect and dignity, not so that we, as women, could turn around and be jerks to men.

Women like you are an embarrassment to the legacy of all those women who fought for our rights. And frankly, you embarrass me as a woman.

Please, stop and think about what I’ve said and come to grips with that fact that calling your husband stupid is just as bad as any husband calling his wife stupid.

Thank you,

A wife who loves her non-stupid husband

**UPDATE** Elizabeth Scalia wrote this beautiful post about the subject as well.