Sometimes God Does Not Let Things Go

Sometimes God Does Not Let Things Go July 24, 2016
Photo: Pixabay
Photo: Pixabay

I’m going back to waiting tables. I am not really sure how it happened really, but I know that I need the money, my family needs the money and that it’s the only job that I enjoy doing besides writing. Office jobs make me want to jump off a bridge.

If you remember, I went back to work last year around this time and waited tables as well as worked an office job. I was not very happy about it. I was in a lot of pain because my feet almost fell off.

This year so many things are different. I have healed a lot spiritually and emotionally. I no longer feel like me having to go work a 12 hour shift waiting tables is embarrassing or somehow a sign that God and/or my husband has let me down. I felt all of those things last year.

I was humiliated that I wasn’t able to  get speaking gigs like everyone else. I worried about my “image” as a strongly opinionated Hispanic Catholic. I know some people think if you write for Patheos that you are automatically a liberal heretic that doesn’t understand Church teaching on anything. I tried to be a “good girl” to prove that wrong and say the right things or keep my mouth shut when I had opinions that I knew weren’t very popular. That doesn’t work for me.

Plus none of the people who don’t share my writing shared my writing anyway. People who didn’t like me, didn’t like me any more because of it. And those who do support me and do like me were still there. I’m grateful for those people and don’t worry about those who insult me or send me hateful emails.

For the last year, I have been learning how to be myself along with how to trust God. I suck at being Catholic. Like, really suck at it. But I am not Catholic to be a picture perfect Catholic in other people’s eyes. I’m Catholic because I love Jesus and I know that the Church is His Bride. The end. Becoming a saint is a process. It takes time and trust in God’s mercy.

I also know that God’s timing in perfect. He has a plan for me. That plan will unfold the way that He thinks is best. I am not ready for speaking jobs apparently, so instead of trying to make that happen, I’m going to wait tables.

I’m also going to keep on writing (and writing more on here, sorry I’ve been MIA) and I’m going to keep going on Jennifer Fulwiler’s show plus I am going to keep going to school so that one day I can do exactly what I feel God’s mission for me is, which is to move to the ghetto and help with marriage prep there. Maybe I will never get booked for speaking gigs because I’m not a “safe” speaker. It’s all good. God knows exactly where I’m supposed to be and it’s not anywhere that requires me to be someone that I am not.

I am so excited about the future for the first time in a long time. I feel free, loved and on fire to be who God made me to be to glorify Him. St. Paul had to go to prison for three years before he was prepared for his mission, I guess I have to wait tables to get prepared for mine. I think God has been trying to get me to understand this, but I’m so stubborn that it took awhile for me to get it. Sometimes He really just won’t let things go until I submit to His will.

Please pray for me and if you have prayer requests, please put them in the combox so that I can have something to offer my swollen feet for.

PS In other great news, my grandbabies were baptized yesterday! Some of you have been praying with me for this! God answered us. He is so good!!

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  • Sonja Corbitt

    A success story if I’ve ever seen one. Please offer some of your suffering for a guy named Lee who needs to encounter Jesus. The babies are beautiful. You are beautiful.

  • carrie anne

    I, too, had to go back to waiting tables during the recession. I, too, was humiliated and thought what was the point of my education and post education if I couldn’t get a freaking job!! But it was what I needed to do for my family to get by and I finally found a good job in 2013.

    I thoroughly enjoy your posts. I don’t always agree but I love the fact that you are so honest! I have come through a re-awakening to the Church this past year which has reminded me to pray and pray and pray and really look to God’s mercy. God bless and push forward! (Your grandchildren are sooo gorgeous and praise Jesus that they are now members of the Church).

  • Thank you!!

  • Will do Sonja! Thank you so much.

  • Perhaps God has work for you to do among your customers and co-workers and perhaps you’re the only one willing to do it. Whatever the reason, He is faithful. And your grandchildren are adorable. How lovely that they are now Christians. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  • I’ll pray for you if you pray for me. God knows (and everyone else) I’m a horrible Catholic. The harder I try, the worse it is. I wish I could brush it off with one of those easy catchphrases like “haters gonna hate,” but I’m too sensitive.

    I think you’re awesome, FWIW.

  • KyPerson

    Such beautiful babies. I have a tip for your feet. I never waited tables, but I did work retail and had to stand a lot. Get some compression knee high trouser socks.I got mine at a medical scrubs store. They saved my feet, legs and sanity.

  • DEAL!!

  • Jimshoe52

    I don’t think you’re alone when you say you “suck as a Catholic”. Perhaps we all “suck” because we’re sinners. If you said you didn’t “suck” I’d have called you a lire and hypocrite. I will tell you from my experience, once (more times than not) I was laid off from my job (construction). To make money to feed my wife and three kids I worked six months in the rice fields of South Texas. If you’ve never been there it is hot & steamy in the Summer. Working in the rice fields is very strenuous and back braking. Plus there are lots of snakes (i.e., water moccasins & rattlers, etc.). I don’t like snakes, I’m scared sh**less of them, especially the venomous ones. Anyway, I got a good education in humility going from engineering to farm hand. But the beauty of it was the peace of riding in the tractor plowing the fields and being able to take my kids with me in the tractor and bond with them, what a joy! And I got an appreciation of the farming industry. Its not easy work and the crops can always be at risk and that means loss of income for a farmer and his family. I hope you will find consolation and healing in your journey. Know that before God can use someone he must purify them first; empty them of all that is in opposition to Him. Then after He’s formed you get ready! Because He’ll use you as His instrument to do great things! I pray for you and your little family and that the Spirit will raise you up to be the Saint, maybe of “sucky Catholics” (ha, ha). God speed……

  • Michelle Martinez

    I’m from South Texas too, been in Austin 16 years now. Your story always brings me to tears when I hear it on the JFShow. I love you because you have shown me that just because we suck at being Catholic Jesus still loves us. That was hard for me to accept! I know that I’m not the only one who struggles with feeling like I’m not a good enough Catholic. Thank you!!! Now I’m going to read your blogs!!