I’m going back to waiting tables. I am not really sure how it happened really, but I know that I need the money, my family needs the money and that it’s the only job that I enjoy doing besides writing. Office jobs make me want to jump off a bridge.
If you remember, I went back to work last year around this time and waited tables as well as worked an office job. I was not very happy about it. I was in a lot of pain because my feet almost fell off.
This year so many things are different. I have healed a lot spiritually and emotionally. I no longer feel like me having to go work a 12 hour shift waiting tables is embarrassing or somehow a sign that God and/or my husband has let me down. I felt all of those things last year.
I was humiliated that I wasn’t able to get speaking gigs like everyone else. I worried about my “image” as a strongly opinionated Hispanic Catholic. I know some people think if you write for Patheos that you are automatically a liberal heretic that doesn’t understand Church teaching on anything. I tried to be a “good girl” to prove that wrong and say the right things or keep my mouth shut when I had opinions that I knew weren’t very popular. That doesn’t work for me.
Plus none of the people who don’t share my writing shared my writing anyway. People who didn’t like me, didn’t like me any more because of it. And those who do support me and do like me were still there. I’m grateful for those people and don’t worry about those who insult me or send me hateful emails.
For the last year, I have been learning how to be myself along with how to trust God. I suck at being Catholic. Like, really suck at it. But I am not Catholic to be a picture perfect Catholic in other people’s eyes. I’m Catholic because I love Jesus and I know that the Church is His Bride. The end. Becoming a saint is a process. It takes time and trust in God’s mercy.I also know that God’s timing in perfect. He has a plan for me. That plan will unfold the way that He thinks is best. I am not ready for speaking jobs apparently, so instead of trying to make that happen, I’m going to wait tables.
I’m also going to keep on writing (and writing more on here, sorry I’ve been MIA) and I’m going to keep going on Jennifer Fulwiler’s show plus I am going to keep going to school so that one day I can do exactly what I feel God’s mission for me is, which is to move to the ghetto and help with marriage prep there. Maybe I will never get booked for speaking gigs because I’m not a “safe” speaker. It’s all good. God knows exactly where I’m supposed to be and it’s not anywhere that requires me to be someone that I am not.
I am so excited about the future for the first time in a long time. I feel free, loved and on fire to be who God made me to be to glorify Him. St. Paul had to go to prison for three years before he was prepared for his mission, I guess I have to wait tables to get prepared for mine. I think God has been trying to get me to understand this, but I’m so stubborn that it took awhile for me to get it. Sometimes He really just won’t let things go until I submit to His will.
Please pray for me and if you have prayer requests, please put them in the combox so that I can have something to offer my swollen feet for.
PS In other great news, my grandbabies were baptized yesterday! Some of you have been praying with me for this! God answered us. He is so good!!