Rachel Held Evans Is Causing a Pussy Riot of Limericks!

Time to announce the winners of the Limerick Challenge to win a copy of Rachel Held Evans’s new book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood.

You can see all of the entries here. There are some great ones that didn’t make the Top Ten. Basically, I picked the ones that made me laugh out loud. Beware of salty language — but, we’re all adults. And hey, we are talking about vaginas here.

(Also, you can see the last contest, where winners got the new book by Shane Claiborne and Tony Campolo.)

And now, the winners:

Joel:

They said Rachel’s new book was trouble
For Christians who live in a bubble
And are never exposed
To such raunchy prose
About places where women have stubble!

Danielle:

A biblical life–Rachel tried it.
But her attempt caused a huge pussy riot!
The fundies felt strife,
Said, “If you were my wife,
Your vagina would know to keep quiet!”

JoeyS:

As her treatise on womanhood ‘rose,
“Vaginagate,” brought on the woes.
She eschewed an edit,
No cause to regret it,
For pride over profits she chose.

That Guy:

The publishers took an affront
At Rachel’s publicity stunt
“Just a word in my book
not some pics that I took.
It’s the medical term for my [deleted].”

Erick:

There once was a word never written,
‘Cause LifeWay said, “This is forbidden.”
Then Rachel remarked,
“They’re my ladyparts.”
And LifeWay said, “Oh no she didn’t!”

Dave Burkum:

It’s housework, and silence, and beauty,
Submission, perfection, and duty,
You even go camping
the week you are cramping–
The Bible sure kicks a girls booty.

Becky Bonham:

There once was a woman gone tenting
Which set many others to venting
Instead of reviewing
They continued pooh-poohing
And yet she remains unrelenting.

Franz Bibfeldt:

When a woman of valor said ‘vaginas’,
Then blood-sucking Lifeway glossinas,
Tried to silence her book,
Which gave her the hook,
To stir them like piña coladas.

Amanda:

“Bible gals are a big ampersand;
let’s read closely” one blogger demands.
But the Orthodox cluck
“Honey, don’t push your luck,
and what’s that, a tent peg, in your hand?”

And Simon, with a double, for the win:

[Apology] Ode to a Pastor’s Wife, by Mark Driscoll

Okay, I’ll take one for the team, and
for this pastor’s gay sex, there’s a reason.
His wife ought to know
that she’s let herself go.
For Christ’s sake, just be sexy to please him.

Crushing response from Rachel Held Evans.

Ms. Evans returns to the Bible.
“To say God demands good looks is libel.”
It’s especially true,
Where the husband’s gay too.
Could it be, Mark’s erected an idol?

For Rachel Held Evan’s comments on Mark’s (now retracted) clarion call for pastors’ wives to bring sexy back look here.
http://bit.ly/WG6T9H