Rhinestone Jeans Are Ruining Pews

Ladies (and gentlemen), it seems that the bling on your jeans is defacing the pews of Conception Catholic Church in Moville, Iowa. Recently, this announcement was published in their Sunday bulletin:

“HELP SAVE OUR PEWS: The latest jean fashion of rhinestone/bling stones on the pockets act like rough sandpaper and razors on the pews. Please refrain from wearing these as our pews have already received damage from these stones.”

The Sioux City Journal reports,

“It’s just a recent problem that we’re seeing,” said Alicia Jenness, administrative assistant for the West Fork Catholic Community which encompasses Immaculate Conception in Moville and St. Michael Church in Kingsley, Iowa. “At the Kingsley church, there’s a lot of gashes and stuff like that from people sitting on them with the rhinestone jeans. And at the church here in Moville, we’ve got cloth (seats) and some of the cloth is starting to snag because it’s like a razor cutting the thin material.That’s causing us some issues.”

Jenness said repairs will have to be made at both churches. The wooden pews at Kingsley will have to be sanded, revarnished and polished. “And the pews here, I don’t even know what it’s going to cost because we have to see about the material and see if it can be fixed just by sewing it or if it has to be completely replaced,” she said.

The problems can only be traced to the new style jeans, she said.

“I don’t think the kids crawling on the pews is doing anything,” she added.

We have had no such problems at Solomon’s Porch. We have noticed that some Christian hipsters cannot get out of our low-slung couches, however, due to the skinniness of their jeans. Stay tuned for details…