What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. (James 2:14-19, 26 NIV)
Even though I believed in God on that day in 1989, I had programmed myself for too long to be independent. It was all I knew how to do. The feeling of God’s peace, love, warmth, and comfort only lasted a minute that day. Obviously, I have never forgotten it, but a seed planted takes time to grow, longer if you don’t water it. I didn’t.
Instead, I pushed forward, finished college, and entered the work force. Full steam ahead, stick to the script. Living the American Dream by golly!
Except my American Dream was a nightmare. After failing at my first three jobs, I tried to start my own business instead, because obviously, the problem was them not me.
Then an interesting thing happened.
Many of my business contacts were Christians. Not the robotic, going-through-the-motions churchgoers that I had observed growing up. These people lived differently, and they were like that all the time.
They reminded me that I really needed my Daddy, the one that my second-grade Sunday school teacher had tried so clumsily to tell me about. Except this time, it felt genuine.
I heard miraculous testimonies and saw people living lives that I could not explain, except by one thing—remembering that October afternoon at the cemetery. I had already been forced to acknowledge that God was real, but this was something new.
God was Abba, my Daddy, and he really cared about me. He wanted to protect me from harm, and he wanted me to lead my family. My spiritual maturity took a big leap forward. But this is still not the happy ending.
You see, at that point I was in my mid-twenties physically, but still a child spiritually. I was cracking a Bible for the first time. The only thing I knew about salvation is that it’s Jesus’ job. I was going to church with my family, and had us all baptized into the same religion, but I was still running the program of everything-depends-on-me. I knew there was a God, and I knew that He cared, and I was grateful for this, but I had still not acknowledged my dependence.
Sometimes when we won’t let go of our pride, God will use circumstances to knock us down to the point where the only place to look and move is upward.
Eight years later, my marriage failed. I was going to church every week and was active in music ministry, but it was still just religion.
And what is religion but a ritualistic way of repeating the same old pattern of trying to meet our own needs through our own efforts?
Faith without deeds, and deeds without faith.
Sure, we wrap it all up in God-speak, but Jesus already called our bluff 2,000 years ago when He said to the Pharisees:
“Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
“‘These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
They worship me in vain;
their teachings are but rules taught by men.’” Mark 7:6-7, (quoting Isaiah 29:13) NIV
God called my bluff, and decided it was time for me to make the move to close the gap between us. I announced my impending divorce to the church choir at rehearsal and resigned from the music ministry.
That night, after everyone else had gone, I hit my knees in the back of the church and finally did the deed. I acknowledged my need, my complete and utter dependence on the Daddy who was always there, even when I tried to run away to hide from Him. He was with me even through the years when I publicly called his children weak-minded fools. He was there when I lashed back at Him in anger for everything that I assumed was His fault.
God waited and watched. When I finally turned around to face Him, He was right there where He had been all along.
Doubt died that day, once and for all.
There are still days when I doubt myself, but I never doubt my Abba, my Lord and my God. I have found that every time I acknowledge my weakness and my dependence, God asserts His might and power. As He reminded Paul:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9a NIV)
I have still never seen God, just as I have never seen the wind. However, just as I have seen the effects of the wind, I have seen the effects of God.
I don’t have to try to wrap my brain around the intricacies of DNA or photosynthesis or the size of the universe to try to logically point to an Intelligent Designer. I just look in the mirror or around at my home and my family.
Today, I have been remarried for eighteen years, and the two of us really are of one mind and spirit. All my children respond to God because they have a spiritual leader that is just as much, if not more, concerned with their spiritual growth as their physical and intellectual growth. The peace and love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit reign in our family. Now to be sure, there are still times that are challenging, and even infuriating. All families have these.
However, as a family, we are now in a place where the firm foundation we come back to is our personal relationship with the God of the Universe, the salvation made possible by the sacrifice of His Son, and the guidance and comfort of the Holy Spirit. I see the evidence of this every day.
And that is all I need to send doubt packing.
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