This post reflects on the importance of being kind and accepting people whom many find strange, even messed up. Contrary to what we might think, kindness and care for the other are radical notions. They testify to the church’s realistic rather than cynical call to promote total acceptance.
Radical Practices: Kindness and Total Acceptance
It is vitally important for the church to reflect Christ’s heart and practice of being kind and accepting people many find strange, even messed up. Contrary to what we might think, kindness and acceptance of the other are indeed radical practices today in a world marked by so much mockery, cruelty, and a critical spirit. Do we “have the guts to be nice,” to “wear our “hearts” on our “sleeves,” to “be totally exposed,” to approach one another in “total acceptance,” and to move beyond cynicism? The answer? “Yes.” Is this even realistic? “Yes, again.”
“Lars and the Real Girl”
These are themes that appear in the movie, Lars and the Real Girl. In an interview, actor Ryan Gosling reflected upon this film in which he starred. The quotes in the paragraph above belong to Gosling. He highlighted these various themes and was so bold as to think that the film featuring a community completely accepting one of its own members in spite of his severe case of social anxiety and isolation is indeed “realistic.” The next few paragraphs provide more details about the movie.
One article in Humanities claims that Lars has “a schizoid personality disorder resulting from traumatic childhood experiences.” Whatever his condition, Lars is able to move beyond the social anxiety and isolation with the help of a community that completely accepts him. Such acceptance includes making space for his own initial effort of bonding with someone or something, namely, an adult-sized doll named Bianca. Lars makes clear that Bianca is a missionary and trained as a nurse. Lars carries her around or transports her in a wheelchair. The movie reveals that Lars’ relationship with Bianca is platonic.
The Struggle: From Social Anxiety and Isolation to Intimacy
Regardless of the background factors, the community, including the church, struggles with their relationship. But to their credit, they come around to model understanding and acceptance. They come to terms with their own brokenness and weirdness. Refer here, for example. Such acceptance paves the way for Lars to break out of his social anxiety and isolation and cultivate intimacy with others.
Mary Hulst reflected on the movie and its import for the church. She writes:
…I know enough about church culture to know how miserably we fail at this very thing. If a young man came into your congregation pushing a life-sized doll in a wheelchair and introduced her as his girlfriend, how would you react? Your children? Your church council? Yeah, I thought so.
Me too.
We are so conditioned in most churches to hide our crazy. To hide our sin. We shower and dress up, we wash our cars and floss. We show up looking good and smiling and nodding politely. Don’t you sometimes want to walk into worship unshowered and unshaven, pushing your “doll in a wheelchair” and just have people love you right there in the moment?
Yeah, I thought so.
Me too.
God is love. When we love, we get to be God in action. Sounds like gospel to me.
Indeed, it is gospel.
And yet, the church through all ages has struggled to live out the gospel. All one needs to do is look at the New Testament to realize how difficult it is to practice radical, total acceptance.
The Church: Sanctuary of Saints and Hospital of Sinners
You may have heard the expression, “The church is a sanctuary of saints and a hospital of sinners.” We would be wise to account for both emphases: all believers are saints and sinners. That tension should never be seen as an opportunity to give up and become complacent. We should never be satisfied with the propensity to shun or ignore others who don’t fit our notions of normalcy. Paul exhorts each of us in Romans 15:7: “Accept one another then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” (NIV)
Scripture repeatedly calls us to care for the orphan, widow, and alien in their distress (See for example Exodus 22:21-24; Deuteronomy 24:17, 26:12-12; Jeremiah 22:3; and James 1:27). Even so, we see how the church to which James penned his epistle is shunning the poor in their midst and playing favorites with the rich (See James 1 and 2). The same problem surfaced in the Corinthian church, as Paul’s teaching on divisions within the practice of the agape feast showed (See 1 Corinthians 11:17-34).
Of course, there were other divisions: Jews and Gentiles, males and females, and slaves and free. Paul calls us to live in view of the fact that Christ Jesus has removed the barriers between them (Galatians 3:28; see also Acts 15, Ephesians 2:11-22, Philippians 2, and Philemon, etc.).
Ryan Gosling emphasized that niceness and total acceptance are both radical and realistic. Though difficult to apply, they can and must be embodied. Fortunately, we find in Scripture not only the teaching of such care and acceptance, but also examples of radical kindness and acceptance in action:
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47; NIV; see also Acts 4:32-35 and Philippians 2)
The Real Question: Getting Real
The real question is not whether niceness and acceptance are radical, or that we are called to be accepting of one another in the church. Rather, the real question concerns whether we will make this reality come alive in in our own lives. Will we get real?
Total Acceptance and Accountability
Total acceptance is not passive. It requires accountability. Both acceptance and accountability are necessary ingredients to helping communities become healthier and flourish. We find both acceptance and accountability in the film. Members of the church challenged one another to accept Lars. His sister-in-law challenged Lars to come to the realization that the entire community cares deeply for him.
Acceptance cultivates trust rather than cynicism and makes it possible for us to take more seriously that individual’s personal challenges: they intend good for us, not evil.
I have come across people who wish they could live in a community like the one where Lars resides. The best way to find this kind of community is for us to become that community rather than give in to cynicism. We must embody total acceptance and accountability. As we take Scripture and Lars and the Real Girl’s radical call to heart to be nice and approach others in a spirit of total acceptance, we extinguish cynicism and become the real church.
PS: This is the sixth post in a series that reflects upon theological themes in dialogue with pop culture in the form of films. The others in order of appearance were: “The Book of Eli: Taking the Bible Seriously in Dystopia”; “Prometheus Unbound: Finding Direction Home”; “The Biblical Crisis & The Batman: Tragedy and Hope”; “Blast Off with Interstellar: The Cosmic Force of God’s Love”; and “Jesus and The Matrix: Free Your Mind?” The order of the six posts, including this one on the church, is: first, the biblical canon as a core foundation for theological inquiry; second, creation as the source of life, the crisis of the fall into sin and its aftermath; God’s covenant operations in caring for humanity; Christ who is the savior of the world; and now, the church, which is Jesus’ community.
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