5 Signs Your Relationship Is Thriving

3) Committed to a Third

One of the lies we tell ourselves is that “we’ve just drifted apart”. Drifting does not happen in relationships. We follow what we are focused on. “Drifting” is like when we are looking at a Frisbee, focused in on the disk spinning through the sky. Wherever the thing we are focused on leads, our gaze (and our steps) will follow.

“Drifting” couples are focused on different things. It’s as if the same person threw two Frisbees, one with his left and one with his right. If we are focused on different things, we will drift in different directions.

Thriving couples need to name the Frisbee. We have to have a third point in the triangle, a vision we are heading toward together. It is the only way to ensure unity. Thriving couples know their vision, communicate it, and are intentional about drifting toward it together.

4) Vernacular

There are few things more important to a relationship than communication. A thriving relationship naturally develops inside jokes, frequent sayings, and other communication shortcuts. A relationship is a living organism; it forms and adapts a unique identity as it grows.

Thriving relationships communicate with one another. It is a bit like an author finding “their voice”. It is more than words; it’s body-language, tone, and gestures. Many couples are speaking two different languages in their relationship. Thriving relationships have a language only they can fully appreciate.

5) Celebrate Variety

It is not exactly easy to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and raises. But it is relatively easy. We have been conditioned to celebrate circumstances.

But thriving relationships celebrate for no reason at all. I’m not talking about gifts or parties, although that helps. I’m talking about dancing in the kitchen while the water boils for pasta. The other day, both of us were lying in agony on our couch after an exhausting softball game and it ended in us laughing together about getting old. Thriving couples find a way to celebrate, even in tragedy. We lost a baby last year and even the sorrow has been a kind of celebration.

Because thriving relationships understand that everything is more beautiful when we are together. We can celebrate all kinds of circumstances and through all kinds of emotions by adopting a perspective of gratitude and thankfulness for the incredible gift of relationship.