The Humility Trap

I’ve heard my whole life that I need to be humble. I’ve read all of the Bible verses, listened to all of the definitions and the advice. Yet, I have to admit, when I hear the word humility I am not really sure what we are talking about.

Once a pastor of mine called me a narcissist. And I don’t think it was true, but it really stung. Plus, how do you argue against the claim you are a narcissist? Anything you say can and will be used against you.

The thing is, I want to be humble. I really do. I think there are billions of people in this world and they all matter just as much as I do. The world does not revolve around me and nobody is more annoyed when I get that wrong than I am. Nobody is more hurt by my pride than me.

But there is something weird about trying to be humble. Almost as if I am gaming the system. But if I don’t try, my pride is likely to run rampant. So, what do I do? How do I pursue true humility (is that even possible)? And how do I avoid the humility trap?

False Humility

I spent a good chunk of my life trying to be humble. Not talking much. Thinking lowly of myself. I tried to make everything about everyone else. I felt guilty if I enjoyed anything.

A lot of our attempts at humility are just inverted pride. We want others to see us as humble so they like us more. It is all about ME. I can’t seem to get away from ME.

It seems as though the humility trap is this – as soon as I start thinking about being humble, I’ve lost. I wonder if humility is something you can do by intention. Or is it the byproduct of intentionally looking at something else – truth, for example. An accurate perspective.

A lot of the definitions I’ve heard about humility have really helped. Humility is thinking rightly about yourself. That doesn’t solve the whole problem, since “rightness” eludes my awareness more often than I’d like to admit. But it is not negative thinking. Self-hatred is a focus on self. It is pride, just well masked.

Pursuing Truth

We all have this terrible idea that success is about money, fame, power, and the affirmation of other humans. So we chase that. And we’ve even figured out how to fold the appearance of humility into it.

But true humility is much harder. It might not even be something we should try for. It ought to be a fruit of who we are and what we choose, ironically.

Chasing humility is like chasing your own tail. You can’t really grab it directly. You reach it almost by accident. You reach it as a natural result of a true perspective.

We associate humility with lowness, negatively. Thinking less of yourself. Really, humility is about seeing the truth in yourself, no more and no less.