We love them. We have committed to them. We share life with them every day. They are our best friend, our partners in life. Still, fighting with our spouse is a regular part of a marital relationship. Why do we get so annoyed, so argumentative, with the person we chose above every other person in this world? We fight with our spouse for a lot of reasons. And not all of them are bad. Here is a closer look at... Read more
We give up too easily. It is well documented that our instant-gratification, technology-driven society does not do well with waiting. Or challenge. Or difficulty. Anything uncomfortable or unfamiliar causes us to toss up our hands and quit. There is no doubt our world needs more perseverance. But it is not just that we need to endure. We need to endure properly. In fact, the strange reality (considering the opening paragraph here) is that we do endure. We do persevere. We’re just doing... Read more
Every man, woman, and child has a secret place within them where they store their treasures. You can call this heart or soul or whatever you want. It is the core of who we are, the thing that makes us unique and valuable. By the time an emotion gets to our brain, a word to our mouth, or an action in the context of human community, it has passed from this secret chamber (its place of origin) through a series... Read more
We have a woman in our community group who is fond of lamenting, “We made it all up!” She is a college student and is learning about all the ills of the world, in more ways than one. Yesterday was Daylight Savings and we all got one more hour of sleep. Is there any clearer indication that we made up the clock than the fact we can just decide to change it whenever we want? We change time so we... Read more
We never celebrated Halloween when I was growing up. My parents just felt weird about the celebration of evil. Hard to fault them for that. It is a weird holiday, when you think about it. Grim, frightening. A weird sort of celebration, to say the least. But I didn’t exactly see it that way when I was a kid. I saw the candy and the costumes and the fun. I saw the eerie thrill of the haunted house and I... Read more
One easy way to get a sense of what we value is to take notice of what we count. What gets attention, gets repeated. Whether in an organization, a relationship, or the daily practice of an individual life, counting is a clue toward value. Today is my birthday and the count goes up by one. It has me thinking about what other things I count in my life. I count the number of books I read, the number of blogs we post... Read more
Kylie and I were playing on a softball team last summer. The season was interrupted by the weather and by the fact there was a big gap between the decent teams and the really bad teams. As a result of rescheduling and teams getting tired of losing, we had a couple forfeits. Each time there was a forfeit, someone would suggest a practice. Now, this is a just-for-fun league that doesn’t matter. We each paid some money to be in it. There... Read more
Kylie and I have some friends who are really into sports, like me. And it can be annoying to Kylie how much our hang out times center around sports. We were laughing about this recently and it made me think about what it is I like about sports. I was watching a baseball game in this mindset and had a few ideas pop into my head. But really, it got me thinking about the things Kylie likes that might be... Read more
Relationships are hard work. It is fun to think about all of the butterflies of romance and the camaraderie of friendship. When we dream of relationships, we dream of romance. But when we live relationships, we live endurance. Commitment and intimacy are daily choices. Although we often think about relationships as avenues for fun and healing, the reality is they are a struggle. And the truth is they are the better for it. But since we don’t like the struggle, we end up breaking... Read more
There are two kinds of interruptions. And like everything in life and relationships, the key is in our ability to discern the difference. One of the questions we get a lot about living in New York is concerning how we deal with the crowds. All the people. The rude New Yorkers everywhere. It’s a legitimate question. We are interrupted all the time. Our speed of walking. Our desired focus. But are these good interruptions or bad ones? Interruptions, just like... Read more
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