We all want to be ‘top dog’. We fight and scratch and claw to get to the top of the ladder. We want the promotion, the raise, the corner office. We want the titles and the perks. We want the position and the power. But the responsibility that comes with leadership is something we too often overlook. We neglect the fact that leaders are meant, in the end, to serve. We are meant to be the first person over the wall and the... Read more
Perhaps the greatest obstacle for leaders is a mental one. We fight so hard for positional leadership, for validation and authority. These roles can be a hindrance to our actual ability to influence. The most important characteristic of a great leader is the willingness to take responsibility. We are enticed to leadership with the idea of taking credit for the good and blaming others for the bad. The perversion of power dynamics has us acting like spoiled kings on a throne... Read more
It’s no secret that significant community for young adults is a challenge. Everyone is focused on careers or dating and there seems to be this awkward elephant in the room – a lack of meaningful friendship. I read a tweet recently that said, “No one ever talks about Jesus’ greatest miracle of having twelve close friends in his thirties”. There is no easy answer to this dilemma. Kylie and I have struggled and worked really hard to develop friendships here... Read more
We live in a world where we are constantly bumping up against people and ideas. Humans are made for community. We thrive in social settings. The best of our work and play happens when we are together. Each of us as a high capacity to influence others. Whether we want to or not, whether we mean to or not, the way we live our life impacts the people around us. Influence can encourage us in our identity or push us... Read more
Like every organization, the culture of our relationships is determined by how we define two words: shame and honor. As we are learning how to interact with one another, we weigh our past experience, personalities, and perceptions to form a pattern of behaviors that are deemed honorable and avoid a cluster of thoughts, attitudes, and actions that are deemed shameful. Our relationships will be driven by our treatment of these two terms. How It Happens By and large, this... Read more
Last night, we went to a Yankees game here in NYC. There were a handful of homeruns and a few that just barely missed going over the fence. Our seats were high up and the angle looking down on the field was slightly blocked. There was just one sliver of the field where we could not see. If the ball went there, we’d have to depend on the reaction of the crowd to find out what happened. I never really... Read more
Whether it be in relationship, business, or the good old fashion pursuit of identity, each one of us is just trying to figure things out. We’re trying to do better, to be better. We are trying to find happiness and make sense of this world. But in all honesty, we aren’t trying hard enough. Modern humans are giving up way too early. We have abandoned the true and noble endeavors inherent in these pursuits for a superficial facsimile. We’ve built... Read more
Conflict is an inevitable part of human relationship. It’s extremely valuable for developing intimacy and strengthening connection. It can also be destructive. Conflict frightens us because it exposes our underbellies. It makes us vulnerable, tearing us from our carefully constructed world of romance. Conflict is not something that needs to be fixed as much as it is something that needs to be resolved. When it arises, conflict feels a bit like a call to arms. And there are certain preferences each of... Read more
Life is hard. There is suffering and joy and a myriad of things beyond our control. There are billions of other people, unpredictable circumstances, and more to think about than our brains can comprehend. We are trying to figure out what to do and how to do it and when and if it has meaning. The whole thing is like a dizzying kaleidoscope. Human living has a pattern. It has been built, for better or worse, around a system, a... Read more
My wife and I have struggled with infertility and a miscarriage over the last eighteen months. As the months continue to move along, we continue to hope and pray. Anyone who has been through this process understands the roller coaster of hope and disappointment that repeats every month. One thing that makes it weirder (not harder, just… strange) is how often the people around us find themselves pregnant. Friends. Family members. Strangers on the train. We had a friend get pregnant a... Read more
Victorious Living
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