Is Marriage the Key to a Happier Life?

For the past 20-plus years, my wife and I have been besties with the same group of six married couples. At one point, we all lived and raised our families in the same little town on the Jersey Shore.

As the years have passed, all but one pair has moved from this small town. Three of the couples remained in the same general vicinity, one husband and wife relocated to the Maryland Eastern Shore, another to the Charleston-area of South Carolina. Yet, while the distance between us has grown, one thing hasn’t changed. A quarter of a century later, we’re all still good friends—and we’re all still happily married.

Studies show a direct link between marriage and happiness.

Why do some people stay happily married and others—not? In the book Purpose: What Evolution and Human Nature Imply About the Meaning of our Existence, author Samuel T. Wilkinson claims that it’s no accident that many of us choose to both get married and stay married. It’s part of our chemical makeup. In his words:

A great body of evidence demonstrates that our relationships are the most important factor in our happiness and well-being. This is the way we have been psychologically and evolutionarily engineered. This is the way we were created.

We could be, in fact, genetically predisposed to getting married and making our marriages work—and for good reason. Wilkinson cites a study that showed “marital happiness was the most powerful predictor of general life satisfaction and mental health.” In fact, “married men and women reported more happiness and less depression than their counterparts who were unmarried.”

The benefits of marriage don’t stop at more happiness and less depression. “Other benefits include better physical health, a more satisfying sex life, and greater health.” Wilkinson states that “there’s something about the commitment between two loving partners, that produces feelings of happiness and well-being.”

Of course, marriage doesn’t work for everyone. It may be an anomaly that the six couples I mentioned at the top of this story are still together. It’s also important to point out that marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. Wilkinson explains that “even supposedly happily married couples all have their moments, days, or even seasons of difficulty and disappointment.” Yet, research shows that “most couples that stay together are happy most of the time.”

So why does marriage work for most people, despite the occasional rough patches? One scholar speculates that “the knowledge that someone cares for you and that you have someone who depends on you helps give life meaning.” It also “provides a buffer against the inevitable troubles of life.” We have someone on our side and at our side, through thick and thin.

So why are less people getting married these days?

There’s recent evidence that people in the US, at lease those under the age of 40, may be spending too much time on their careers and too little time on their relationships. This is backed up by a recent article in The New York Times by David Brooks titled “To Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career.”

Brooks points out that today “The marriage rate is close to the lowest level in American history. For example, in 1980, only 6 percent of 40-year-olds had never been married. As of 2021, 25 percent of 40-year-olds have never been married.” This is despite research showing that “marriage has a greater impact on overall happiness and well-being than career success.”

Why the decline in marriage rates? Sam Wilkinson points out that in the West, we place a premium on economic status and obtaining material possessions to the detriment of our personal and family relationships. In other words, many are focusing too much time and effort on their careers, thinking that “if we can just gain a few more material goods, or get that promotion, or win that award, then we will finally be happy.”

This career-centric approach comes at a cost. “The more people seek to achieve personal fulfillment at the expense of relationships, the more social problems they develop and the less happiness they actually realize.” While it’s undoubtedly true that advancing our careers brings some measure of happiness and well-being, “this pales in comparison to the level of satisfaction derived from warm and healthy personal relationships.”

 As proof, Wilkinson points out that in the US we began to put more of a focus on our careers in the latter half of the 20^th century. Since then, the divorce rate has approximately doubled. A smaller proportion of people belong to civic organizations or attend church. Philanthropic giving has declined. And “in the last 25 years, we’ve seen a surge in suicides.”

Brooks has advice for the young: prioritize marriage over career.

Like Wilkinson, Brooks believes the quality of one’s marriage is a better predictor of happiness than the success of one’s career. In his words, “A successful career may provide temporary happiness, but a strong and healthy marriage can provide long-lasting happiness and fulfillment. While career success is undoubtedly important for achieving financial stability and professional growth, research indicates that marriage has a greater impact on an individual’s well-being and overall happiness.” He then offers this guidance to young professionals:

My strong advice is to obsess less about your career and to think a lot more about marriage. Please respect the truism that if you have a great career and a crappy marriage you will be unhappy, but if you have a great marriage and a crappy career you will be happy. 

It’s advice I think my good friends from that small Jersey Shore town would all agree with.