In the certification program that we offer at Perkins one of the questions we explore are the differences between therapy and spiritual direction. The distinctions are important — both as a means of defining the boundaries between the two endeavors and as a means of further defining the nature of direction. If you are a spiritual director, or you are a directee, I invite your thoughts about the following comparisons and your own thoughts on the subject: Therapy is specific... Read more
Losing ourselves can be a good thing or a bad thing spiritually. Losing ourselves… In the expectations of others in order to find love In the supposed glamour of the lives that others live In a desire for the things that other people own In a self-medicated flight from reality In the past In the future These are typically bad for us spiritually. Losing ourselves… In the moment In the needs of others In the presence of God In the... Read more
The deeper healing of our grief is in God’s hands. All cures are temporary. Healing is eternal in character. Cure is particular, focused on a specific issue. Healing is comprehensive. That is why therapeutic approaches to any of our struggles — grief included — lack the power to address some of our needs at the deepest level. Therapy can teach us to “cope” with our losses or “manage” them (and that’s a good thing), but the losses remain — and... Read more
Generationally, we went from stuffing, denying, medicating, and surrendering to our grief to analyzing it. That wasn’t a bad thing. It was progress. And, famously, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross declared grief a process. That was a helpful, groundbreaking move, even though, as it turns out, she was wrong. The denial, depression, anger, dialogue, acceptance, and return to meaningful life that she described are undoubtedly elements of what we experience. But we don’t experience them in any predictable order. Some of them are... Read more
Psalm 31 9 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye wastes away from grief, my soul and body also. 10 For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my misery, and my bones waste away. 11 I am the scorn of all my adversaries, a horror to my neighbours, an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me.... Read more
From a Christian perspective, one of the more telling pictures of divine anger is the cleansing of the Temple. John’s version of the story goes like this: After this he went down to Capernaum with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples; and they remained there for a few days. The Passover of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple he found people selling cattle, sheep, and doves, and the money-changers seated at their... Read more
Judging from what directees have told me — and even from a good deal of what is in print — a lot of people are fairly sure that God is angry. Angry some of the time, maybe angry all the time. Some fairly reputable scholars have even argued that is why we need to retool the Christian faith. “Out with the angry old man in the sky — in with something new.” The problem with this argument is that it... Read more
Not all anger is the same: Anger can be a vague, generalized feeling It can be occasioned by a specific set of circumstances It can arise out of the disparity between what we want and what is (And what we want can be a healthy, good thing to want…and it might not be) It can arise out of the disparity between what is and what should be (And we can be wrong or right about what should be) We typically... Read more
In September I traveled to Phoenix, Arizona, to be with my father as he faced surgery to address a growing problem with massive internal bleeding. Now, after a fairly torturous process he is recuperating in a rehabilitation center and, all being well, he will go back to his small home in Mesa at the end of the month. He is 85. For most of his life my father worked as a sales engineer. He both designed and sold conveyer systems... Read more
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks observes, “The heart of all Jewish festivals can be summed up like this: They tried to kill us. We survived. Let’s eat.” Eating as affirmation: Affirmation of God’s goodness, affirmation of life, affirmation of life’s goodness. Small wonder, then, that festivals and eating are so much a part of religious celebrations and small wonder that heaven is portrayed as a banquet. Invite your friends and family into your home, cook a meal, share your table. There is... Read more
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