Why the “Ball and Chain” Analogy Has Marriage All Wrong

Society often paints a picture of marriage that resembles a prison, using the phrase “tied down” as if it’s some kind of sentence you get stuck with. Turns out marriage truly can be more of a paradise than a prison.

Studies show that women who are married are overall happier and feel a greater sense of purpose in life than those who aren’t. They also reported receiving greater amounts of physical affection, which is linked to emotional well-being.

On TV,  we see marriages portrayed with a nagging and controlling wife alongside a grumpy and lazy husband. In movies, affairs are commonplace and even glamorized sometimes. If this is our picture of marriage, no wonder it seems miserable and daunting to so many. When we hear statistics like almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it can be alarming and deterring. Young women might think they are better off not even trying to find loyal, unconditional love – when it seems so rare.

Yet, the truth is, healthy marriages can hold so many good things: friendship, affection, loyalty, and stability, to name a few.  Having a consistent, reliable companion who you can trust and walk through life with fills your God-given desire to love and be loved.

Why are the conceptions of marriage these days so out of line with what the data shows? What role does marriage actually play in a woman’s well-being?

“Freedom” vs Flourishing

Our culture shouts “look out for number one” loudly, everywhere we look. The single life seems to promise a sense of freedom and independence, that involves making decisions only for yourself and your needs. While that may sound nice, how does that freedom transfer to happiness and fulfillment in life?

In a recent report published by Wheatley and The Institute for Family Studies, their survey found that women who are single are about twice as likely to feel more isolated and alone than those who are married. Marriage plays a big role in social connection. Not only within the walls of your own home, but outside as well, as you build community with others.

The study also shows that women who are married experience more enjoyment in life and overall happiness than those who aren’t. When asked if they would say, “Life feels enjoyable“, groups reported as follows:

Married Mothers: 47%

Married without children: 43%

Unmarried Mothers: 40%

Unmarried without children: 20%

Do you remember having a best friend growing up, and wanting to spend every minute together? You could see them all day everyday and never get tired of them. Guess what! Marriage lets you have a sleepover with your best friend every single night! How cool is that?

“Tied Down” vs Teamwork

As humans, we were created to be relational beings. We were meant to live in community with one another.

Marriage is a commitment to do life alongside another human being, and while there are many challenges in that, it means you have a forever teammate. This means, it’s important to choose wisely. Be sure to walk into marriage with prayer and discernment, and a good understanding of who the other person is.

^“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'” (Genesis 2:18, ESV)

Marriage was designed to reflect God’s love for his people. In marriage, we are given a sacred opportunity to care for the heart of another human being.  While that’s a big responsibility, not be taken lightly, it also leads to a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. To be truly known for everything you are, and to be cherished, gives us just a little glimpse of God’s love for us.

The Reality of Marriage

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying marriage is the magic potion for happiness or that anyone should get married just to get married. My point is: I don’t want you to let the misconceptions about marriage, that seem to be so prevalent in our society, turn you off from the idea of it altogether.

So before you write marriage off, because you’re worried about losing your independence, consider all the things to be gained by intimately sharing life with another person.

The truth is, you won’t always be happy or get along perfectly. Yet you’ll learn a lot and grow together in godly characteristics like unconditional love, forgiveness, loyalty, humility, and more. When both individuals put God at the center, marriage can the most beautiful earthly relationship you could experience.