Crazy Fundie Baptist Day

Here at The American Jesus we have a love/hate relationship with fundie Baptists.

We hate their “theology.” Or the ignorant, myopic, arrogant dribble they pass off as theology.

On the other hand, we love their lunacy because it can be so entertaining. So, today, we thought we’d highlight a couple of particularly crazy fundies.

First up, a video from the awful good folks at I’llBeHonest.com. A while back they taught us that depression is really your fault. Now, we learn that mental illnesses like schizophrenia are also your fault. Turns out they’re made up diseases from psychologists and psychiatrists who apparently solely exist, not to treat the sick, but to justify sin.

I think these guys would get along really well with Tom Cruise and his Scientologists buddies.

Next up, a video that started off over at Stuff Fundies Like and has since made the rounds at Christian Nightmares and Jesus Needs New Pr.

We could rant about the sheer insanity of this guy’s eisegesis exegesis, the stupidity behind the claim that the word “wine” also means grape juice (you know, like Welch’s Grape Juice Wine) or question the conspicuous absence of his thoughts on Paul’s instructions to Timothy:

“Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.” – 1 Tim 5:23

Instead, we’re going to take this level of crazy and raise it up a notch.

True story: I was recently talking to one of the students in my youth group about this very issue. She attends a fundie Baptist private school in our area. They’ve told her many, many interesting things over the years, but this one might have topped them all.

They threw out the typical fundie justifications for Jesus turning water into wine, i.e. He did so because the water was too dirty to drink (odd since Jesus has a famous encounter with a Samaritan woman at a well. Guess she was drawing wine.) or that Jesus turned water into grape juice.

But, she told me, her teachers said there was another possibility. They suggested that Jesus may have turned the water into……..wait for it………

Jam.

Seriously.

Not making that up. Gotta love fundies.