Does Jesus Own A Computer? (And Other Important Questions)

The Christian faith can be a challenging and complex thing to understand.

Doctrines like the Trinity and the incarnation can be incredibly difficult to comprehend, let alone articulate to potential new believers.

But fear not.

I am here to offer you the simple, straightforward answers to some of the most vexing questions of faith I know you have.

Like, does Jesus own a computer?

Of course he does.

But as you’ll notice, in typical Jesus fashion, it’s a humble computer. Nothing too fancy and maybe a little dated, but it gets the job done.

Think about that, kids, next you go thinking you need a fancy new MacBook Air.

Speaking of kids, I’m sure when you were growing up (and probably still to this day), you sang the words, but struggled to understand just how exactly Jesus of Nazareth could have the whole world in his hands.

Well, here’s how.

It’s the shepherd’s crook that makes things happen. It gives Jesus that all important balance that keeps him from tipping over. Without it, the world would go tumbling through space and life as we know it would cease.

Next up, does Jesus really live in our hearts?

No, he doesn’t.

He lives inside of garden gnomes.

And last, but certainly not least, all of us wonder about the Second Coming.

When will Jesus finally return and, just as importantly, what will it look like when we see him riding on the clouds?

Well, wonder no more.

Not only has Jesus already returned riding on the clouds, as it turns out, he is a cloud.

Naturally, Jesus returned to Texas where real Christian patriots live.

I mean, where else would he return? New England? There’s only heathens and heretics up there. Everybody knows that.

Anyway, you’re welcome for resolving all of your most vexing questions of faith.

It wasn’t easy, but I’m always happy to help.