Are you a victim in your own life?

Image Copyright: Anna Subbotina

My mantra is: 



It wasn’t always so.

I used to feel persecuted by life, as though there was something out there intent on holding me down. I blamed it for everything that didn’t go my way and this reinforced the belief that I was a victim of life’s circumstances. Thankfully, life sent me people, events and teachings that helped me to realize the truth.

Over the course of two years, my world was turned upside down. Everything familiar to me either changed or disappeared. My relationships ended, I moved to a new city and nothing seemed to work out. Somewhere in the midst of bleakness, I got angry. I was ticked off at life for consistently treating me so badly. I wanted to strike back at it and defy its plan to make me miserable. It was here that new and powerful people entered my life. I got a job working as an assistant to a man who had taken life by its wings and soared to every intention he desired. His example was so clear and vivid that it shook me to my victim-foundation. My transformation began.

Fifteen years later, I wrote the following chapter for Resurrecting Venus. I share it with you today hoping to pay forward the gift my boss gave me. You really are the most powerful person in your life.


Surrender Victimhood
Chapter 40

In never allowing another credit for her
pain, the Goddess ensures power over her life and gain.


[Note : Please understand that the “victims” I speak of in this section are not children, crime victims, or victims of abuse. If you are a crime or abuse victim, or you know someone who is, please seek professional help and support.]

Victimhood is one of the greatest impediments to successful living. It’s the state of believing that someone or something else is responsible for the content, quality, or experience of your life. You can take empowered responsibility for yourself and your experience, and create a life you love and one that serves you.

You might believe that you don’t feel or behave like a victim, and, therefore, this doesn’t apply to you. In fact, it’s often easier to see victim behavior in others than it is to see it in our own thoughts and actions. At some point, everyone has felt like a victim, and even the most empowered person may still have moments of victim-like thinking from time to time. I’ve yet to meet anyone who can’t benefit from taking a look at their victim-like tendencies. Open your mind and get curious about yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Let’s take a look at the qualities of people who believe they are victims. Often, they:

  •  React to outside events and people instead of proactively creating their desires
  •  Lack direction—like feathers in the wind, they land where they land
  •  Believe that God, the government, their spouse, or parents are in control of their life
  •  Blame others for their circumstances—blame is the victim’s trademark
  •  Feel helpless and stuck
  •  Feel separate from their Creator
  •  Dwell on past events that appear to have “stolen” or prevented their good or harmed them, and
  •  See the world as a dangerous and scary place.

Victims live in constant fear. Always bracing for the next bad thing to happen, they have no plan or direction. Since they are always busy and exhausted handling the next crisis, they mistakenly believe that they are productive. Deep inside, they don’t really expect to attain their dreams, and they can rapidly list the people, events, and conditions responsible. The pay-off for the victim is that they never have to admit failure. If everything is outside of their influence, they are beyond blame. The victim is never responsible for any negative outcome. They cannot lose the game because they never suit up to play. Though this may appear to be a shortcut to an easier life, victims suffer hopelessness, a fate worse than failure. In avoiding the risks of failure and loss, they squash all potential for success. They can never win.

Though it may seem brutal to admit, you are responsible for the good and bad in your life. All of it. Every decision you make, every perception you hold, and every action you take or refrain from taking becomes a strand in the fabric of your life. Even the passive act of allowing others to make decisions for you is your responsibility. When you emerge from a bad relationship, business deal, or situation, whatever occurred is your responsibility, too.

Women often balk at this idea and offer detailed factual analyses of why it isn’t true; but ultimately there is always a point of action, or passive inaction, on the part of the “victim” without which the aggravating circumstance could not have occurred. The value in realizing this and accepting responsibility for your part is not to shift blame to you and make you feel horrible. On the contrary, taking responsibility for every aspect of your life, the positive and the negative, puts you in control of it. If you are the one accountable for the conditions and circumstances of your life, then you are the one who can change them. This is where a fulfilling life begins.

Recently, I made a comment online about the empowering effects of taking responsibility for your own life. A woman responded saying she disagreed. She went on to explain that feelings of inadequacy and repeated failures beyond her control made it impossible for her to get out of being stuck. Here’s how I responded:

“You’re living the heroine’s struggle. The heroine says ‘I will create my dreams,’ but soon, all manner of challenges arise. Darkness swirls, and it seems as though failure is certain. Yet she perseveres. She digs deeper, looks for new methods, and continues her dogged pursuit. She falls often, but she only becomes a failure if she refuses to get back up. So long as she perseveres, success follows. Every success story goes this way. This is what we pay to watch in theaters. It’s what we admire in others. You may not be able to control each encounter, event, or outcome in your life, but you can always control your perception and reaction to it. For the person who chooses to respond powerfully, success is inevitable. Please know this is true. Don’t give up. Try new things, talk to new people, change your view, and believe in yourself. There is no question that a solution exists for you. No question. You just need to receive or discover it.”

To heal the victim mind requires that you consciously adopt a new, empowered perspective and eliminate old patterns. Imagine gradually pouring fresh, clean water into a cup of clouded water. At some point, the cup will overflow, and if you keep pouring in clean water, soon the cup will hold only clear water. Clearing ourselves of victim consciousness is a similar process. The cloudy water represents victim-like thinking. By consistently choosing to apply healthy, self-loving, empowered thoughts and practices, you can change your state of mind and your life.

Every thought is an affirmation, and we are thinking nearly all of the time. Instead of affirming by default, choose the affirmations that create your life. Choose one or more of the following affirmations, or create one that feels good to you. A well-chosen affirmation causes a shift in you the first few times you say it.

  •  I am the most powerful person in my life.
  •  I can be what I choose to be.
  •  Nothing real stands between my good and me.
  •  I release all ideas of victimhood and go free.
  •  I take responsibility for every event and circumstance in my life.
  •  I live in a friendly Universe and life is on my side.
  •  I know my heart’s desires and take daily action toward them.
  •  The “how” will reveal itself at the perfect moment.
  •  The size of a problem means nothing to the Infinite. Anything is possible for me.
  •  The Universe conspires to help me when I help myself.
  •  I release and forgive everyone. It is done. I go free.

For the next three weeks, which is the time it takes to build a new habit, repeat your affirmation(s), silently and aloud, often. Think about what they mean. Make them the first and last thought of the day. Reread this section; challenge and reflect on it. Search for examples of your victim-like behaviors. Go deep. Do not blame yourself when you catch yourself in victimhood. Remember, this is the victim’s trademark. Assume your rightful position as the leader of your life.

Share your experiences with me below in the comments. I would love to learn about your transformation.


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