Birthing Hereditary Witchcraft: Barbara Walters, Dylan Farrow and Woody Allen

NOTE: I will be continuing the series on tolerance and parenting in the next installment. The following article includes descriptions of child molestation and violation. Reader discretion is advised. –LMNC


Adult survivors of incest and sexual molestation have a battle they fight on a daily basis. This war that is waged, in silence, beyond prying eyes, means that we spare society having to look at the shame that has been perpetrated against the victim. However, when a news story hits or a favorite book turns to sexual violence as part of the story line, survivors of these types of trauma must decide whether to stay silent or let something of our moment to moment battle show to the greater world.

Dylan Farrow recently faced this choice on a grander scale than most. Woody Allen, recipient of a life time achievement award during the Golden Globes on January 12, 2014 and Dylan Farrow’s father, is her alleged perpetrator. She took her voice, which had been publicly silent on this matter, to the New York Times, where she confirmed details about her experiences at Allen’s hands and body (allegedly).

This wasn’t what disturbed me. I have always known that those most revered in life are often the ones with the greatest derelictions. Typically it is because they have an ability to keep the vilest of offenses at bay through threats, misdirection and outright attack against those who seek to expose the truth.

It was Barbara Walters who distressed me. Keeping in mind that Walters is no more suited to judge the veracity of Dylan Farrow’s claims than anyone beyond Farrow and Allen, she took to her show The View, on February 3, 2014, defending Allen and stressing her belief in his innocence.

I don’t watch The View. To be quite clear, I actually despise The View and would never, ever consider being a guest on that show. Also, to be fair, I personally think Barbara Walters is a manipulator who has her own opinions. I feel her pieces are not unbiased and she is either directly or indirectly trying to prove her opinions to those who watch her. Hence, why I do not watch The View.

However, I was in a doctor’s office with my sick child where the television was turned to The View for entertainment. I watched in horror and complete and utter disgust as Walters compounded my discomfit by talking about what a great father Allen was to his new daughter. I watched as any chance Allen’s new daughter might have of ever being believed was scrubbed away by Walter’s surety of Allen’s innocence. I cringed in sympathy with Allen’s other victims, nameless actresses and children who wanted some movie part and were forced to pay for that privilege with their bodies. These victims are sure to understand that Allen is untouchable, Allen’s right to harm others solidified by Walter’s caustic statements.

To be fair, I have no personal knowledge of whether or not Woody Allen sexually molested Dylan Farrow. I have no personal knowledge of whether or not Woody Allen has other victims out there who are silent in the face of the adoration and admiration being heaped upon him by powerful people in the film industry. I do know about sexual molesters, though. I also know about the studies done about false allegations of sexual abuse.

Did you know that four different states (Florida, Missouri, Vermont and Virginia) reviewed records and determined that intentionally false reports comprised less than 1% of unsubstantiated reports of child abuse (0.00999634 out of 100 unsubstantiated reports)?[i]

Let’s break this down. Child abuse is the misuse, neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse of a child, according to the Child Welfare System Works governmental group. It is important to understand that only substantiated claims of sexual abuse are pursued by police departments. This means that physical evidence is critical — keeping in mind that sexual abuse does not have to be rape and can include penetration by hand or object. In fact, when small children are victimized by adults, sexual abuse often does not include rape. The physical difficulties of sexual copulation should be obvious. Sexual abuse can include what Dylan Farrow describes, however: intimate touching of inappropriate places, over attention of a sexual nature.  In fact, if a perpetrator is careful, his abuse will not leave any physical evidence for authorities.

How exactly is a child going to prove these types of advances? It becomes the child’s word against the perpetrator’s. Allen, whose money and prestige allows him lawyers and influence, coupled with a carefully developed public persona, is difficult to take on. Walters ended her tirade about Allen’s innocence by saying that the matter of Dylan Farrow’s molestation was “investigated and unsubstantiated,” as if this alone was proof of Woody Allen’s innocence.

Bullshit.

It just means that the police did not have enough evidence to convict. That Dylan Farrow’s mother made decisions to protect an already fragile child and not expose her to harsh public scrutiny until she made that choice. Dylan Farrow is twenty-one now, and I can guarantee that the open letter in the New York Times  was written with the input of a psychiatrist, counselor, her mother and other supporters that are intimate to her. Keep in mind that when reviewed by professionals who are trained to spot child abuse, they found only 1% of the allegations lacked merit. That did not mean the perpetrators were arrested or even charged. Merit and evidence are two distinctly different issues in child abuse cases.

My most vivid recollections of sexual abuse never involved penile penetration. More often my memories revolve around the build up to a sexual encounter then followed by periods of a fugue state. Meaning, I would not remember days or weeks after a memory of my mother being out of the house, my sister being at college, my brother being gone, my father naked and erect, me in my bed in my bedroom with no protection and him coming to me pleading with his eyes to accept him without a fight because there was no one to rescue me anyway. Before penetration I would black out, a coping mechanism my mind has used to protect me from the worse violations perpetrated against me.

My Technicolor recollections are not fit for posting here. As those things occurred, there was always the hot breath on the top of my head and rumbling words of encouragement and secrecy.

I recently told my counselor that most people think that sexual molestation is a violent affair, but is it not. Sexual molestation is an insidiously quiet act perpetrated in the hushed whispers, horrific words of secrecy and normalcy, shattering words meant to invoke hopelessness, fear and self-doubt.

According to Emory University, Dr. Gene Abel conducted interviews that guaranteed complete confidentiality and immunity from prosecution, and found that male offenders of girls averaged 52 victims with less than 3% of these acts being reported EVER. Male offenders who violated boys had an average of 150 victims each.[ii]

Although there is no clear profile in regards to someone who molests children, we do know a few things about those who go undetected, uncharged and free from prosecution. Logic tells us these people have a huge power of persuasion. They can convince their victim that they will die if they tell or that they will not be believed. This also means that outside of times where they are violating young children, they are likely to present a façade that is, in a word, impeccable. They utilize mental manipulation in dramatic fashion, often leaving their victims in question of their own sanity. This is done during the physical act of abuse and at other times, when the perpetrator belittles the victim in front of others or dismisses them as “over-imaginative” or “a little crazy.”

The public needs to stop obsessing over the physical acts of sexual violation perpetrated upon children and think about the broader, day to day, moment to moment violations suffered by those children. These violations are the ones that they carry with them into adulthood. These are the violations that create dysfunction that leads to a lifetime of post-traumatic stress (PTSD), major depression, bouts of suicidal tendencies and body image issues.

I know what people think when issues like this surface.

It happened years ago, what does it matter today?

We are giving him an award for his films, right? What happened in other places is irrelevant.

He and her mother were divorcing, right? So it was about money, and that girl just got used by the mother against the father. It happens all the time.

These thoughts are similar to other uncharitable thoughts people have and no one ever confronts. So let me confront these.

Dylan Farrow is still living with Woody Allen’s violation. It is wildly unlikely that Farrow’s mother had the psychological skill to implant such specific false accusations into a young child’s brain.

Allen’s films, I am sure Allen would argue, are part of him. They are no more indistinguishable then his clothes would be from his person. Given this, when we revere someone who has allegedly done things as vile as sexual molestation, aren’t we telling perpetrators and victims a few things?

  1. Perpetrators: Have enough money and prestige and everyone will look the other way when you violate children.
  2. Victims: If your perpetrator is well funded and connected, stay silent. No one will believe you anyway.
  3. Perpetrators: If you leave behind a body of work considered successful, the fact that you ruined others’ lives with your vile predications will not be relevant.
  4. Victims: Unless, as a small child, you can overcome the mental and emotional abuse that comes hand in hand with the physical violation you suffered, and in a time and space that is optimum, of your own free will, tell some stranger (because your mother might influence you unduly), we won’t believe you. Especially if you grow up, get therapy and then seek out some type of justice for yourself, because then you are just being petty and living in the past. Get over yourself. It doesn’t matter that less than 1% of children are bringing false allegations, you will always be part of that 1%.

This is a subject that is difficult to read about and infinitely difficult for me to write about. However, as a society, confronting myths around sexual abuse is important. As parents, we have an opportunity when these stories come up to have discussions with our children. If you notice a child under the age of five playing with his or herself, you should acknowledge this behavior in a healthy and proactive way. “I think it is fine that you like to pleasure yourself, however, you should do in the privacy in the bathroom or your bedroom, and no one should ever do it for you. Why don’t you go to the bathroom now and come out when you are finished? Okay?”

Children ten years old and younger can be asked outright:

“No one has ever made you feel uncomfortable when they touched you, have they?”

“Is there an adult or a babysitter or anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable?”

“No one has ever told you to keep a secret because if you don’t, they will hurt you or me, have they?”

“You know you can tell me anything, anytime, right?”

When children are over the age of ten years or display the appropriate amount of mental and emotional fortitude, discussion should go further. “What do you think sexual molestation means?”

“What is rape, do you think?”

“Can only boys rape girls?”

“Have you ever touched someone and felt weird about it?”

When children become teenagers and young adults, the information should be explicit and definitive. “Did you know if you are over eighteen in Georgia and have sex with someone under eighteen, you can be charged with statutory rape, even if both parties consent?”

“You know if you are drunk or high, that doesn’t give anyone permission to be sexual with you, right?”

“Photos last forever, especially in the web era, and just because you agreed to have sex doesn’t mean you have agreed to be photographed or videographed.”

“No means no, right? You can have the condom on and have already been having sex, if he or she says, ‘No. Stop,’ then you have to stop.”

In all this conversation, the most important thing is this: If a child braves the horrors of their personal hell to come forward and tell you they were molested and/or raped, BELIEVE THEM. The number one indicator of children growing up without lasting effects after sexual molestation is the support, love, and belief of their mother and intimate family members. This support should be backed up by a disavowing of the perpetrator, whether or not they are prosecuted.

I choose to believe Dylan Farrow. I publicly call others to avoid any movie or entertainment produced by Woody Allen. I believe there are fifty-one other children out there suffering in silence and disbelief after what has been done to them.

 


[i] Sidran Institute: Trauma Stress Education and Advocacy. How often do children’s reports of abuse turn out to be false? Brochure. Accessed on February 4, 2014.

[ii] Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics, by Howard N. Snyder, Ph.D.; National Center for Juvenile Justice, July 2000, U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs

  • Cjr Udek

    Corrections to some of the lies being endlessly repeated on various forums:

    o Soon-Yi is not Woody Allen’s daughter.
    o Soon-Yi was already an adult when the two began seeing each other romatically.
    o Woody Allen and Mia Farrow are not divorced. They never married. Woody Allen never spent the night at Mia Farrow’s house.
    o The Farrow’s are not in agreement as to who to blame. Dylan’s brother Moses says Woody Allen did not molest his sister. He says his mother was mentally abusive to her children and taught them that Woody Allen molested Dylan. Moses is today a family counselor.
    o Woody Allen was not a father figure to Soon-Yi. In an interview with Time magazine, Soon-Yi called this claim “laughable.” She says she and Woody Allen hardly ever saw each other when she was a child. His focus was on his own children.
    o Soon-Yi is not “developmentally disabled.” She is a very intelligent woman who manages Woody Allen’s business operations.
    o Mia Farrow prevented her daughter from testifying, thus erasing the prosecution’s case.
    o There is no evidence supporting Dylan Farrow’s claim. This is strictly a “He said / She said” claim.
    o Dylan Farrow’s story changed substantially from her first reports to police.
    o Woody Allen did not rape his first wife when she was 12. She was 16 and he was 19 when they married.
    o While Woody was unfaithful to Mia during the period when they dated, she was unfaithful to him as well and appears to have borne Frank Sinatra’s son and claimed he was Woody’s. She accepted Woody Allen’s child support for Ronan Farrow.
    o Child molestation DOES run in the Farrow family. In February, 2014, Mia’s brother John was sentenced to 25 years (15 suspended) in prison. [Might Dylan have been molested by her uncle and assigned the blame to Woody Allen?]
    o Other than Dylan, no one else has made a molestation allegation against Woody Allen. Aren’t child molesters supposed to be unable to control themselves?
    o It makes no sense that a notorious claustrophobe like Woody Allen would bring his daughter into what she describes as “a closet-like attic space.”
    o Woody Allen took and passed three lie-detector tests. Mia Farrow declined to take even one.
    o Frank Maco, the state attorney who was to prosecute Woody Allen, was investigated and criticized by a disciplinary committee after he held a press conference to announce that no charges were being filed against Woody Allen but included inflamatory allegations which may have biased the ongoing custody battle.
    o Months before Maco’s press conference, a team of child abuse specialists from Yale-New Haven Hospital were brought in to the case and concluded that the child had not been molested.
    o Woody Allen’s forty movies are remarkable. They have grossed a dollar-adjusted $1.2 billion dollars, averaging a dollar-adjusted $32 million apiece, which is astonishing for an “indie” movie producer. They have received THIRTY Academy Award nominations, winning ELEVEN times. Woody Allen is the most academy-decorated writer in history.

    I’m sure there’s much more that needs correcting, but that’s what I’m able to think of.

    • Bianca Bradley

      Thank you. These are facts and need to be considered, when judging.

    • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

      I hear these objections and appreciate your point of view. The fact that Farrow wouldn’t allow her daughter to testify is one thing and I am wondering why Yale specialists would permit their findings to be public knowledge? Does Allen give to Yale? Who administer the lie-detector tests? Did he pay for them? Was any administered by police officials? I don’t care about his success as a film maker. This is my ultimate point. Successful men abuse women. Their success should not be offered as proof of innocence.

      • Bianca Bradley

        And unsuccessful women abuse successful men.(Duke rape case) This isn’t a man vs woman thing.

        • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

          Success, money, prestige and power should not cultivate an social climate that permits abuse without repercussion.

          • Bianca Bradley

            This isn’t about success vs non success. It doesn’t matter who has the money(though generally those with the money can afford the good lawyers and are more protected). False accusations and victims not reporting it, go through all areas of the financial spectrum.

  • Bianca Bradley

    If you do not know whether or not Woody Allen did anything, why are you taking the voice that he did? Yes children and adult children are hard to believe and it’s a tragedy when it happens. It’s also a tragedy, when false allegations ruins someones life. That happens just as much as the times when someone comes forward and isn’t believed.

    I would also like to bring up, that the Pagan community has faced the fear of false allegations. Believing the child is not always the best thing. Go back and research Satanic Ritual Abuse panic. Go back and see what the “authorities” did to make kids believe they were abused and how they went through it. It is quite well within the bounds of reasons, that kids can be convinced of something that did not happen. You see that in the Satanic ritual Abuse stuff.

    If we do not have facts, than we shouldn’t talk, speculate or otherwise stick our noses in this. If we must stick our noses in this, than facts and not speculations(like the ones below by Cjr Udek) should be bandied about. This is psychological rubbernecking.

    • Cat lover

      Are you seriously suggesting that false allegations happen with the same frequency that true abuse happens but isn’t believed? Isn’t that a speculation?

      • Bianca Bradley

        Acrimonious divorce, with harsh custody battles. Bad investigators, coercing kids, in order to win in court, so they can be adopted out via the privatized adoption areas. Using allegations as punishment to parents or step parents. Yeah, I do think it happens far more than people are willing to admit.

        No, I don’t think that just believe is the right call to action. How bout we take the whole story into context. Is the child displaying signs of abuse(depression, withdrawal, stealing, early sexuality etc), has the child lied before, is the child manipulative etc. How easy is it to manipulate the child? How manipulative are the people in the child life? Does someone have something to gain by making these allegations?

        • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

          What does this girl, who hasn’t spoken to the media at all, have to gain from continuing these allegations – other than the ire of those who would say she is doing what she is doing from some other motivation.

    • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

      Unfortunately, I didn’t write this piece as psychological rubbernecking. I wrote it to discuss the statistics related to abuse. I wrote it for the children and adult children who have been abused by successful people who hide behind success and muddy the waters. If no one can ever know what happens in a room between a man and a child, then how as a society should we proceed? Do we continue to pretend sexual abuse does not happen? Do we continue to discount children and mock adult children who come forward? Seriously? How do we empower victims to come forward when we only hear about victims being bashed in the media for speaking up? I sincerely would like to hear your opinion on this matter. This isn’t about Allen and Farrow, it is about the larger issue what issues like this do to victims and their likelihood of coming forward.

      • Bianca Bradley

        I would suggest editing out the whole dylan farrow and woody allen thing than. There are a few places(where you talk about the actresses that have been abused by him) that are also problematic.

        Because if you want to talk about child abuse of this sort, yes it happens, I”m proof positive. Than talk about the reality. I’m also proof positive of false reports(my lovely abuser also made sure to ask me if my dad did anything and his constant pressuring made me file a false report, but going by the laws of that time, my dad was ok, today not so much. Oh and it isn’t uncommon for those who have been abused to point the finger the wrong way)

        It is too complex an issue. Just believing the kid is not an ok message to send, imho. Lives are at stake in this.

        • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

          Bianca, I hear your point of view. I think you must move forward with belief. When I suspected the neighbor boy of molesting my child, I took immediate action only to discover the perpetrator had been accused of this behavior in the past several different times. He was 14. My child was 5. My child didn’t come forward until I asked him if the neighbor had done anything that made him feel strange – he replied yes and then said, “He told me you wouldn’t believe me.” After assuring my child I believed him and we would take care of the issue. I suspended the conversation and sought psychiatric evaluation before going to the police. However, during all of that I continued to assure my child that I believed something happened that made him uncomfortable.

          I agree that it is a complex issue and I do not think keeping silent and avoiding discussion around current events does anything but give perpetrators further cover under which to operate. Open communication, adult discussion and educating adults about how to approach their children should be discussed.

          I will also point out that as an adult thriver of abuse when these issues come forth in the media they spark an internal discussion and resurrect feelings associated with my own abuse. These are colored by the reception I received when I sought justice against my perpetrator. This internal dialogue has an outlet because I am a writer and open about my past. I do not think I have “the right” of it or a complete understanding of any one instance of abuse (including my own). However, bringing these discussion out in the open, using media attention to try to draw out conversation is important. I have said nothing in my piece I do not personally believe. As with any belief I have, I am happy to agree that I could be completely and utterly wrong (expect when quoting statics ). I am equally happy to extend my belief that I could be wrong to everyone else. Therefore, these discussion are extremely important. Fleshing out the perspective of people affected by these violations is important. Thank you for your perspective. I honor your beliefs and opinions.

          I agree that people’s lives are at stake. So are we saying that alleged perpetrators or alleged victims have a larger stake? This ultimately becomes the pivotal question. I am wondering if you are asserting that you would not believe your child if they came to you because you are worried that your child was falsely accusing despite the statics that less than 1% of sexual abuse accusations are false?

          Is this what should be suggested to other parents?

          What if your child came to you and accused someone you admired of sexual abuse? What would you suggest be an appropriate way forward? Should we not ask our children? I am sincerely seeking your opinion.

          • Bianca Bradley

            I am dealing with that now. My child did tell me and it is someone I cared about. I believed her, BUT my child doesn’t lie about big things, so it was easy to believe her. If she had a history of manipulation and lying, it would be different, I’d have to have had her looked at by someone who is a professional to tell me if she is displaying signs.

            Both sides have stakes. However… A decent psychologist can help heal a victim. You can’t heal time in prison, loosing your children, reputation from a false accusation. So the accused, especially in our system where we are SUPPOSED to take an innocent until guilty view, has more to loose than the victim, even if the victim is a child.

            I’m good friends with someone who was accused of bad things. He didn’t do it(evidence from others other than him, point to that) but due to not having money for a good lawyer, pressure, and lazy investigation, he took the deal. He lost his kids, and has to pay the price. The victim is likely being abused, but by another abuser. So the victim has no justice and will likely go through more hell.

            This will also have repercussions on whether men will help women or minors. My teacher in highschool, talked about how if he saw a woman or minor needing help, he’d drive on, go to the cops, because legally speaking he would be in danger from a false report. That was 20 something years ago, and he’s right, people get in trouble, without having witnesses.

            I have two sons I have to consider in what you write. Your way, hurts my sons. I do not want to tell my sons, it is a good idea to have someone sign a contract, in case someone decides regret equals rape. Encouraging the theory that those who cry this, are automatically victims, hurts people. People lie. They lie for many mean things.

            • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

              For the record I have a son. I have told him that women will regret sleeping with a boy and then cry “rape.” We have had those discussion in depth. I do not thinking giving my son the accurate statics about sexual molestation and rape hurts him. I do not think my speaking out about sexual abuse hurts him or anyone else. Just as your child who was abuse is above approach because of your belief in them, men and women can also rise above suspicion based upon their behavior. If lying is a default for alleged victims then it should be a default for alleged perpetrators.

              I am glad you believed your child. I do not think hammering home the point that people lie can overcome the fact that less than 1% of sexual abuse accusations have been determined to be false.

              • Bianca Bradley

                Determined by 4 states, who have much to gain, from saying that 1 percent of sexual abuse accusations have been determined to be false. I do not believe those stats. Then again, I don’t put age limits on sex abuse, rape and molestation is the same in my view.

                Take a look at what project innocence fights for and how prosecutors in states fight against having dna retested. Project innocence only fights for those who have not pled guilty. Many plea out, even if they are innocent. See the book above.

  • Mirquella Santos

    Some Americans think that it is ok for a man to have sex with his girlfriend’s daughter. Well it’s is not. I believe Dylan 100%. Why? I heard woody speak about having sex with a 12 year old and people will hate him! I also know that he took naked pictures of his girlfriend’s daughter and later had sex with her. That’s nasty. Humans should not behave that way. We are not animals; there are boundaries that should never be broken. Do Americans have low morality? Not all! I am a decent American and I think that Woody Allen is a predator who preys on children and got away because he has money.

    • Bianca Bradley

      How do you know?

      • Mirquella Santos

        I don’t have to be a scientist to know that OJ did it. No evidence but I know he did it. Woody Allen’s lack of morals tell me enough. No decent human being would talk about having sex with a 12 year old. No decent human being would take nasty pics and have sex with his girlfriend’s daughter. Both Woody and OJ got away because MONEY TALKS IN AMERICA.

        • Bianca Bradley

          All we know by the media coverage is that Oj, ran slowly from the police, the glove didn’t fit, Fuhrman is a racist(the lead detective) and Oj had an anger problem. That isn’t enough information to declare guilt. The prosecution blew the case as did the detectives and OJ was declared innocent due to reasonable doubt.

          You are displaying the same actions, making judgments with no real evidence, that lead to people having their kids taken away during the Satanic panic. If you read Cj’s post below, he pointed out, the pictures were taken after the lady became an adult and the lady was an adult when they got together. He didn’t have questionable morals. You also really can’t complain about his morals, if you aren’t prepared to stay on the high road. Casting dispersions on someones character without concrete evidence, is not a good moral character either.

          So in short you don’t know. You are just jumping on the bandwagon and throwing tomatoes, without having any evidence, despite the evidence to the contrary.

          • Mirquella Santos

            There was not evidence that OJ did it, but I knew he did. Based on what I have collected from Woody Allen, I have concluded that he is a predator who preys on children. I asked you to give me an example of anybody admitting or talking about having sex with 12 year old kid (silence so far). My husband has a son from another marriage and he is off limits. I have only seem him twice but that’s good enough. Anybody capable of taking nasty pictures and having sex with his girlfriend’s son or daughter is a psychopath. Thanks god the judge refused to give him custody.

            • Bianca Bradley

              No you asked for evidence of comedians that did comedy on that. I was at work, so no, I haven’t had the time to research on comedians, so you will just have to wait.

        • keith

          Most 12 yr old girls are touched by boys at school, brothers, uncles etc but not penetrated. Its too common to be abnormal or harmful. Its an extremely funny joke because it points this out. Very few guys would touch any girl younger than 12. Pedophiles are rare. The true crime is men touching women over 30. Half the children are disabled because of this perverted and unnatural behaviour

    • Cjr Udek

      You’re singling out one joke found in forty movies of dialogue he’s written. Wow.

      • Mirquella Santos

        No decent human would make such a joke. That’s not a joke. That’s sickness. Woody Allen is a sick person and I believe that he move into Mia’s life just to target Soon-Yi and Dylan.

        • Bianca Bradley

          Plenty of decent comedians have made these jokes. There are many varieties of comedy, enjoying them does not negate your decency as a human being.

          • Mirquella Santos

            Name one?

        • keith

          He had no interest in soon yi until she was 21 when asked him to take her to basketball games. But thx for spreading filthy defaming garbage

  • Jessica Mortimer

    As you go further with these issues I am forced to acknowledge and learn to deal with my own abuse I suffered as a child and as hard as it is I am thankful that you are bringing to light these issues and my hope is that it will help both current victims to come forward and to help others prevent future abuse thank you for taking a stand and discussing an issue that is often swept under the rug

    • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

      Thanks Jessica! This is precisely why I wrote this piece. As long as alleged victims come forward and are treated as if they have some how done something wrong, then an honest discussion about the horrors of child abuse cannot be had. As a society we need to find a good way to empower victims to feel freedom to speak without having to justify the pain and mental anguish they struggle with daily. I hope you have found a good therapist who is helping you walk toward recovery. If not, private message me and will help you find one. Good luck and thank you for being brave. The more that stand and demand to be recognized the harder it will become from critics to silence us and allow abuse to continue in an air of societal suspicion of the victims.

  • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

    I have enjoyed reading all the posts and differing views. As I have already asked, how do we encourage victims currently suffering abuse to come forward about crimes that happen away from any witnesses perpetrated by men of power, influence and money?That is my main concern? Thoughts?

    • Bianca Bradley

      You encourage people to come forward(abuse is not just perpetrated by men in power, it goes equally on both sides) by encouraging self esteem. You do it equally and not point the finger at just one sex. You encourage people to stand up for others(regardless of gender, race, or religion) You do it by encouraging our children to not be jerks.(imho talking about woody allen this way, without any firm facts, falls into the not great behavior area. It’s gossip. It perpetrates the stereotype that rich people will hurt others, when we really don’t have that evidence.)

      • https://www.lydiamncrabtree.com/ Lydia M N Crabtree

        Biance “equally on both sides?” Statics show that women abuse and do so with significantly less frequency of men. Or are you saying that men in power and men not in power abuse? Additionally, when I offered suggested conversation points to parents I was careful to suggest that perpetration could be any gender against any gender. I also never brought up religion or race. Although, interestingly white men are statically more likely to be sexual predators than any other race (in the United States). I know that people with money, power, influence and prestige are more likely to harm someone and get away with it. This would be why the prison population is overwhelmed by poor people and people from less privileged back grounds. We have evidence of that. I would appreciate if you would quantify “jerks.”

        • Bianca Bradley

          I take statistics with a metric butt ton of salt. They can be, depending on the questions and how you ask them, be skewed to one side or the other.

          Women abuse, they just don’t do it as physically. Emotional abuse is more their style, and words hurt a lot more. Emotional abuse is more hurtful than physical abuse, it just leaves different scars that are hard to spot. In fact most people I know that were spanked with a belt or whipped by their father, still love and respect the father and see nothing wrong with it, but those that were emotionally abused by the mother, hold a lot of bitterness and resentment

          You say you are careful to not point fingers of one gender or the other, but you also say a lot, men in power. That leads to thinking men in power are abusers. You can see that in the woody allen article, most of it is about Woody allen and your belief he’s an icky person, without a lot of substantiation and the other part has some statistics and believe the accuser.

          Middle class white america, encourages those who are hurt to tell. So that may be why, white men are thought of as more sexual predators than other races. I can’t talk about the cultural context of anything other than white america, as . I’m pretty much white.

          I think you think you are being careful and neutral, but you have heavy biases showing. Which is why I’m saying you might want to edit. Which is also why I’m trying to point out the other viewpoints and other life stories, for you to consider.

          I also want to point out, laws made out of emotion, tend to be bad and hurt more than they help. It leads to kangaroo courting. Long view and objective viewpoint make better laws. imho

        • Bianca Bradley

          The prison population has a lot of poor and minorities in it, due to the bad drug laws. It also has a lot to do with legal aid being overwhelmed, and people with money and power being able to afford the really really good lawyers. Though if you read what to do when you are arrested, it sheds some light into what is a good or bad lawyer. http://www.amazon.com/Arrested-What-When-Your-Loved-ebook/dp/B0054SBLH4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392224999&sr=8-1&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+are+arrested

          I’d love to quantify jerks, but that leads back to ethics and philosophy and frankly and bluntly that is all very subjective. One person’s morals and ethics is not the others.

  • Mars

    My issue with this and any abuse allegation is that people defending the accused always say, innocent until proven guilty. So, basically, we are calling the victim a liar until proven truthful. That’s wrong and plays a huge part in why victims do not come forward. Also, was Soon Yi not in high school when he started carrying on with her?

    • keith

      She was 21. Dylan is a nut job.

  • keith

    Um- allen chased adult women. Case closed!

  • keith

    It terrifies me that u bitter old hags take your nonthinking brains to the voting poll

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