See the Helpers – Not the Hurters

The trim brunette with her long hair tied in a turquoise band sat opposite me. She dabbed at her tears with a tissue as she shared with me her anger.  “I’ve worked there for over ten years, Kristy. I gave them my all and they do this to me?”

I sympathetically nodded. “Maybe, though, that it goes deeper than you just losing your job, Steph….”

Stephanie’s blue eyes shone with emotion. “Don’t tell me that this happened for a reason, and I just don’t know why yet. Kristy, that’s a cop out statement and you know it!”

I tried to hold back my laughter, but I couldn’t help it. Stephanie had been a client of mine for almost ten years, the same year she took the position with the company who just let her go. She was only in her late teens when I saw her for the very first time. I talked her down off the ledge after breakups, arguments with her parents, a bad school grade. I cheered her on as she married a wonderful man and gave birth to two wonderful kids.  Super bright and stunningly beautiful, she was strong willed and said it like it was.

“And every time I have told you that, you’ve come back after you’ve calmed down and said it made sense in retrospect. Trust me. This will make sense.”

Stephanie took a deep breath and began to cry again. “One thing on my bucket list was to run the Boston Marathon. You know that I qualified for it and all, but Curt and I agreed that without a job,” she stopped for a minute, clearing her throat of emotion, “we can’t afford it. And I am just mad. If work would’ve just waited another three weeks, I could have checked that off my list!”

“Be mad, Stephanie. Be as mad at you want, but don’t fester in the anger. It will work out. It always does. Maybe it isn’t your time to go to Boston this year. Maybe you would’ve hurt yourself, or the kids would have been sick back home,” I tried justifying. 

“And is that what you see psychically or are you just trying to make me feel better?”

I smirked at her.

“Okay, okay…. Can you help me with my resume?”

“That’s the spirit,” I said beaming a smile at her.

Last night I received an email from Stephanie thanking me for putting things in perspective. No, I don’t know for certain that she would’ve been hurt in yesterday’s explosion, but the anger that she felt with the loss of her job and the loss of a dream activity gave a whole new meaning (for her, anyway) of “everything happens for a reason”.

We don’t always have to find the reason within the situation, as much as we are being taught to re-focus. So often we go through difficult times and we consume ourselves with negativity and pointing at the cause too much that we lose the true focus.

Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers) is quoted as saying his mother used to tell him to – “Look for the helpers. You’ll always find people who are helping.” Whether in times of disasters or family or personal crisis, see the helpers around you. Instead of the black cloud of energy that can consume you, and even make you lose yourself within it, see those that want to help you. See that friend who is trying to encourage you. No, she/he can’t fix it, but she wants to help. See that doctor who understand that you are in pain and is trying to figure it out. See all those who went into first alert mode yesterday instead of those that hurt so many. See the helpers, they are all around each of us.

Hard times are hard, but if we can begin to focus on the helpers of life, we take away the control from the hurters, which sometimes are our very selves. 



Kristy Robinett


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