Life: moving forward, a new dilemma

“Today you lose. Tomorrow you may win.

Things change, Kundun.”

– Norbu Thundrup to the Dalai Lama, age 8 or
so, in the film, “Kundun.”

Change, anicca in Pali and anitya in Sanskrit, is one thing that we so often fear and avoid (especially when things are going well). But it is ever-present, unavoidable, and, in itself, harmless. It is clinging to things, people, jobs, offices, cars, pets and the rest that make change so difficult. So clinging is the real enemy, not change. Yet how often do we see this? How often when we are suffering do we seek out and destroy our clinging as opposed to simply resisting the changing world around us? Change is a part of reality. We cannot overcome change. Clinging is a part of ignorance. We can overcome clinging.

My plans have taken new turns recently. My scholarship for the fall fell through, as has my teaching position in Buddhism. My admission package came from London, and they are expecting me in September. Thus, if it is ok’ed by my advisor there and I manage to get through other travel obstacles, I will now be in London in not 8, but 4 months.

The up-sides are that I will start with other students and (hopefully) finish in spring of 2010, just three years from now. I’ll also be near Ana, who likewise plans to move to London in the fall. The downside is the sudden crunch on my life here. I had planned to finish my thesis over the fall semester; now it will need to be done in August, just three months from now.

That brings me to my current dilemma:

Do I work, work, work, to finish my late papers (3 of them) and write a thesis, while working a lot to save money/pay off credit card bills over the summer, or do I take it relatively easy, meditate a lot, work a lot to save money still, and prepare for London?

Arguments for finishing the MA revolve around the improved job prospects (with certain colleges/universities where Religious Studies and Philosophy are taught in the same department). I also feel it to be something of an obligation I have to the department, since they have helped fund me; and I think it builds character to finish a difficult (and beneficial) endeavor even when it is clearly not necessary.

The side of taking it easy seems to have the most to say. For my own part I’m doubtful I could do it all. Even if it were just the thesis writing, that is a process that usually takes six months; I have three. But three incompletes will each take at least a week, likely more. That cuts off one month. Then there are folks (my parents) who say I should work as much as possible to save money and forget the Philosophy MA. Others, like Ana, suggest I try to have a little fun in what could be my last summer in Montana for a long time. I also can’t help but think that some advance-reading (covering everything Dr. Keown has written for instance) would be of immense benefit. I would land in London with questions, quotes, arguments ready to make, papers half written – it would be exciting – as opposed to showing up ragged from a marathon four-months of writing and researching on topics close to, but outside, the work I’ll do in London.

Hmm… from all of that it may sound like I am or I should be leaning toward the latter. But honestly, right now I’m leaning toward finishing the MA here. Even if it means very poor papers and a mediocre thesis, it’s still an MA. Oh, but the other downside of that is that I’ll have to pay another $1000+ tuition/fees for the summer, ensuring that I won’t be out of debt when I step foot in London. Thinking about that seems to push me to the other side.

We’ll see. Any advice?

In line with many of my previous posts, I do want to do what is best for my ability to serve others. Having that Philosophy MA may open some doors in that direction. Yet if I have a ‘free’ summer, there is a lot of good work I could do right here, not to mention the advance-reading for London which will make that experience much richer – again likely opening doors for the future. Perhaps I am simply clinging then to the idea (that I’ve held for 2 years now) of having two MAs…