When You Criticize and He Withdraws, This is What’s Really Happening

Anger Is Often A Man’s Way Of Expressing His Hurt.

In my research, I’ve seen that anger for men is like crying for women. When we’re hurt, we women often find tears leaking down our cheeks—and we want to be able to cry without being judged for the tears. In a similar way, anger is often a man’s signal of being hurt—and they don’t want to be judged, either.

What “hurts” our big, strong men? Well, underneath that outward strength they often have a soft heart and a deep need to be respected. So what hurts, usually, is the feeling that he’s being disrespected by those he most cares about. In my surveys, more than 80% of men agreed that this was the source of their anger during a fight with their wives. Above all, a man wants to measure up in her eyes. And it is excruciating when he feels that she’s saying, instead, “you’re inadequate” or “you failed.” Or, even, “grow up.”