More of the same

My vacation stopped feeling like a vacation and has felt more like a holding pattern for at least the last week. My spiritual practice has suffered tremendously. As it goes, so do I. While I recognize in myself the fruits of my previous efforts -I am slower to anger, more compassionate, and more patient with the unexpected and the waiting – I am far more in thrall to my whims and moods. Oh what an inconsistent creature I am! I rise and fall according to the chemical dance of my blood sugar, I sway with the soundness of sleep from the night before.

I remember to observe Mondays and Fridays in honor of Shiva and Kali. I wear white, I abstain from alcohol. I remember to chant ever so briefly. But I am failing at avoiding social media. I still read a few sections from the Living Siva e-book. I have started the Bhagavad Gita. The lack of personal space and scheduling forces me to offer up my lack of devotions as a devotion itself.

This blog has surely suffered for this interruption. I try not to beat myself up but instead take this all as information. I notice my reactions to the inert food, to my lack of sleep, to the heat, etc and try and use that noticing as a meditation. But it’s hard and all I feel like doing is whining. This isn’t how I wanted to wind up my time with Hinduism. But it is what it is, and I let go of results of my efforts.

Tomorrow I get five days of actual vacation: we head up to the San Francisco Bay Area to see friends and Do Things. I hope this rejuvenates my spirit, even though I know my soul is perfect as it always has been and always will be, I still hope the other parts of me can perk up and catch on.

“On this path effort never goes to waste, and there is no failure. Even a little effort toward spiritual awareness will protect you from the greatest fear.” The Bhagavad Gita 2:40

"Did you ever read about St. Seraphim of Sarov? He is an Orthodox saint who ..."

What I Miss About Being A ..."
"Contemplation is a good beginning... Introspect, contemplate, initiate and once you find what you seek... ..."

Shiva the Witch God
"Wiccans can be polytheists too! Jason Mankey deftly proved this at last year's MGW. You ..."

Many Gods West 2016
"Congratulations! I'm glad to hear this will continue. If you'll have a Wiccan among you, ..."

Many Gods West 2016

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment