Letting go

Letting go September 8, 2011

My time with Hinduism is winding down. I feel a variety of emotions as I think of the quarters to come. Sad: Hinduism is so beautiful, so rich, and so surprisingly fulfilling that I am loath to move on. Grateful: I’ve learned so much. I feel joyfully changed from my experience so far. I feel like I am a better person, a more complete me. Excited: Feri is next and I look forward to getting back to that. Plus, there are many similarities between tantra and Feri. I had no idea. It’s an exciting discovery and I think exploring those intersections will be rich – and scary! But scary in the good way. Dread: Christianity is one section closer.

Which leads to me think that I may change-up the plan for this blog. As I listen to my heart and take seriously what I’ve learned, I do not believe that I can practice as a Christian in any sincere capacity. I have a love of that tradition, particularly the Eastern Orthodox tradition. But every time I think about attending church, reading the bible, and just flat-out trying to think and act like a Christian, I get knots in my gut. I am not a Christian and I do not want to be one. To attempt to practice as one would be spiritual tourism and disrespectful to sincere believers and the tradition itself.

Writing publicly about one’s spiritual practices and experiences has its own host of problems and challenges. One pitfall I want to avoid is spiritual tourism. I am not practicing these traditions out of a desire to pick and choose what I like, as if I am shopping the world’s religions to find a great African-inspired belt to go with my sari, platform boots, and push-up bra. That’s just a recipe for a hot mess. I am genuinely exploring these traditions to find out how I might practice them, in my life as a woman, mother, student, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and white American.

I give thanks to Christianity and Christian culture for teaching me so much. I am grateful for my theological studies – I am a better thinker and a smarter human for having read the thoughts of great Christian thinkers. But I feel it is right to let it go for good. For now I will continue on with Feri as planned and listen for what is appropriate and necessary come late December.


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