Conversations With a Calvinist

So there I was, washing dishes, getting chicken grease off of industrial sized pans, when a friend mentioned that her father was writing a book.

Me: Yeah, what’s it called?
Her: Calvinism and the Doctrine of Grace.
Me: You’re one of those lucky, pre-destined few?
Her: Yeah, I’m one of the elect.
Me. Cool. Well I guess that’s cooler than being an Evangelical.
Her: I am an evangelical!
Me. Ah. I meant Baptist, it’s better than being a Baptist.
Her: I am a Baptist! I’m a Reformed Baptist.
Me: Ohhhh, well by Baptist I meant, uh — Wait, what was the reform? Becoming more Calvinist?
Her: I guess.
Me: Seems counter-productive. So you’re a Protestant Calvinist Reformed Baptist Evangelical.
Her: Yeah. There’s not very many of us.
Me: Has it occurred to you that it may because you have so many names?
Her: Well, there’s all kind of Catholics too. Roman Catholics for instance.
Me: Oh, those apostates. You realize that Roman Catholics and Catholics are the same thing?
Her: Oh. Do you realize that there aren’t Calvinist churches?
Me: There aren’t?
Her: No, Calvinism is a world view some Churches prescribe to, like Presbyterians and Reformed Baptists. It’s not the religion itself.
Me: (Not knowing that) Yeah I knew that. So, do you know why you’re wrong?
Her: (laughing) No, enlighten me.
Me: Well because your idea of pre-destination negates human beings use of free will, and makes God unjust.
Her: By human standards.
Me: Well, we’re made in the image and likeness of God.
Her: But we’re fallen.

And then I made the mistake of snidely mentioning that “Maaaary wasn’t, nah, nah,” and that just derailed the entire conversation, and led to us washing dishes rather ferociously while discussing what one earth was meant by Christ being the only mediator between God and man, and THEN I accidentally convinced her that she shouldn’t pray for her friends, because that was being a mediator, now wasn’t it? My point was that it’s O.K for Mary to pray for us, not that my friend should not pray for others, but whatever. Anyways, the whole conversation was a wash (get it?) but a lot of fun, and I look forward to continue it.

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  • The Ranter

    You have much more patience than I would have.

  • Marc

    ^Can't afford to make enemies of those helping you do the dishes.

  • Subvet

    Dishpan hands can be such a bother!

  • Manny

    Got a good chuckle out of this:"Me: You're one of those lucky, pre-destined few?Her: Yeah, I'm one of the elect."So does any Calvinist think they are not one of the elect few? You might want to ask that next time.

  • Christopher

    Calvinists worship Moloch. When you show them how their God is the author of sin and evil, they just use their little Trump card: Gods reason isn't our reason. Completely UN-self-aware, they never realize that applies to them, then, too.This is why I don't talk religion anymore. Protestantism is brain cancer.