Flogging A Dead Philosopher

Never trust the philosophy of a man with a
mustache wider than his face.

The submissions flew in witty and quick after I left you to respond to the Nietzsche quote: “After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.” They were all brilliant, but I narrowed it down to a few of my my favorites. Thus, I present to you an Exuberant and Witty Dance Upon the Grave of the Ubermensch:

“After coming into contact with an atheist man, I always feel I must wash his soul.”
“And that’s why we have baptismal fonts.”
“Oh! Just like Pilate!”
“What, Nietzsche, the stain of eternal happiness hath thee frightened? Out, damned spot! Out, I say!”
“Let’s try that again then, “Quid est veritas, Pilate?”
“…Don’t let it trouble you…Grace is like that–it builds on nature: today your hands, tomorrow your soul!”

To which I chuckled.

But alas, it falls upon me to pick a favorite, and since there is no objective way for deciding a wittiest comeback outside of rap battles, I’m going to choose that which made me laugh the most and it was:

“Cry me a river. I’m still showering from the day I touched your book.”

I imagine Nietzsche’s response to this would have been to sullenly mutter something about ad hominem attacks being un-German. So Congratulations You! (All the rest of you go home and weep bitter, bitter tears, vow to never again read blogs, leave Catholicism in favor of Mormonism and enter the next contest.) Email me your mailing address and you shall receive St. Thomas Aquinas: The Dumb Ox by G.K Chesterton. And all of you, enjoy what Chesterton had to say about Nietzsche:

“Nietzsche had some natural talent for sarcasm: he could sneer, though he could not laugh; but there is always something bodiless and without weight in his satire, simply because it has not any mass of common morality behind it. He is himself more preposterous than anything he denounces. But, indeed, Nietzsche will stand very well as the type of the whole of this failure of abstract violence. The softening of the brain which ultimately overtook him was not a physical accident. If Nietzsche had not ended in imbecility, Nietzscheism would end in imbecility. Thinking in isolation and with pride ends in being an idiot. Every man who will not have softening of the heart must at last have softening of the brain.”

Which, gosh darn it, sounds a lot like that whole ironic mind thing.

Flogging a Dead Philosopher